The Law of the Playground
the letter b
page 9 of 11
Search LOTP
Pointless re-extension of "brill" to make it just as long as the originally abbreviated word, "brilliant". To say that your new Big Trak is "Brillo Pads" reeks of privilege - you're asking for it, mister.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
Also a hairstyle on white people which is more naturally at home on black people. Brillo Pads can either spend all their money on hair gel, or bide their time and wait for the comparative tolerance of sixth form college.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Shady Tree
Ill-advised and all-too-camp exclamation by Mr Brown, obviously not content with having such an ordinary name. It became brilly burgers for at least 5 years.
approved Sep 24 2003, submitted Sep 24 2003 by petrocelli .
A game so rampantly ubiquitous and with outcomes so predictably unhilarious that it deserves no further mention on a website tagged with the unofficial catchphrase "hilarity ensued".
For the Bulldog obsessed, we offer this humour-free alternative, which not only demonstrates just how unsuitable the subject is for the Law of the Playground, but also how much better we are at this sort of thing than they are. I mean, honestly.
approved Dec 20 2003, submitted Dec 17 2003 by Phil Glansvile
By far the most amusing use of a punctured football is to form it into a bowl shape, place it on your head and strut round the playground, hilariously pretending to be bald.
approved Sep 23 2003, submitted Sep 21 2003 by anonymous user
A female poor person who lives in a caravan and wears the same clothes every day. Possibly derived from Neighbour's Bronwyn, who was actually very nice looking.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
Mr. Wells was the owner of a truly vile pair of shit brown trousers. Unusually good natured mockery included the line "Those brown slacks are the business, sir!". This soon evolved into the chant of "Brown Slacks Binnif, The Binnif That You Asked For!". Sung in a hip hop style and accompanied by vague breakdancing actions.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Ian King
Can only be done by lads too tough to be worried about retribution. Involved sticking your finger up your arse asking someone naive to "smell my finger" then wiping a brown stosh across their top lip.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Gilbo
This, in later life, can be used to return a pint of beer you don't want. Simply put your finger up your arse, hold the beer up to the barman's nose, being sure to keep your finger on his side of the pint glass. Even if you don't get a free pint, you can say "you just smelled my poo" to the barman. Also known as brown hitler, or shit lip
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
Is also known as a Dirty Sanchez. An alternative is to run the finger all round the mouth giving a poo goatee rather than just a poo tash. This is known as a Dirty Beppe, and is considerably more difficult to apply.
approved Jul 22 2003, submitted Jul 16 2003 by anonymous user
The noise the whole class made when our form tutor Mrs Negus entered the classroom. The noise was (of course) the sound of her vibrators, of which rumour had it, she had a drawer full.
approved Jan 6 2003, submitted Dec 31 2002 by haha not stupid
One of a near-infinite number of jokes based on the name Bruce Lee. Others include Bruce Tee (What kicks you in the face and holds your golf balls?), Bruce Me (What punches you in the stomach then walks away?), Bruce Pea (What mastered the one-inch-punch and is traditionally served with fish and chips?), and the slightly avant-garde Spruce Tree. See also scooby poo, wee-man and the masters of the pooniverse, and knowing wee, knowing poo.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
An unexpected continuance of a bundy, or an uncle vesta, after a couple of moments to let everything cool down. The attack is resumed in an identical style, but instead of crying the name of the actual attack, you cry "brucie bonus", as the victim is very lucky to receive this extra salvo of pain.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
Miss Bruce had a terrible habit of trying to distinguish wrongdoers in assembly, by choosing the least distinctive features as a reference point. Such as; 1) You, in the grey jumper (90% of us) 2) You with the dark hair or 3) You yes you, no next to you, him! No not you, YOU! It was like a living breathing game of Guess Who?
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Matt Pomroy
The science teacher, Mr Stewart (aka Brucie - never knew why), would reward a pupil's correct answer, a rare event indeed, by placing a perfectly mined bogey on the pupil's desk. For an exceptionally good answer, Brucie's Bonus would be smeared on your science book for prosperity.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Nobber
Approximate French translation of BURRRRN!. Used when someone is insulted en franais, as here:

Madame: Deuce, quest-ce que Pre Nol va te donner pour Nol?
Deuce: Une voiture.
Madame: Ha. Bon chance.
Jacques: BRUL!!

Also useful when, during a project on French cooking, Charles actually does burn himself on a bowl of hot shrimp.
approved Jun 14 2007, submitted Dec 20 2006 by anonymous user
An expression of delight or surprise that originated with Andy Bain's impression of a 1970s funky wah-wah guitar, of the sort that would accompany Dirty Harry in a rooftop chase of bad guys.
approved Jan 25 2003, submitted Jan 20 2003 by John Cairns
In an attempt to engineer a bit of Beano-style slapstick, I filled a bucket of water and rested it on top of the Biology classroom doorframe - and sat back to await the arrival of Mr Blissett.
Unfortunately, things quickly went awry on Mr Blissett's arrival, as instead of seeing him drenched, class 3G bore witness to him being knocked out by a full bucket of water falling but not tipping, cracking his forehead open on the floor as he crumpled under the weight. The water handily spilled from the bucket so as to wash up the blood from the spouting wound in his forehead, and I earned a one week suspension.
Fortunately, Blissett was back at work a week later with only his sense of humour badly damaged.
approved Oct 14 2007, submitted Feb 16 2006 by Jason T
Asian children will be greeted with this phrase, because all their fathers are bus conductors and this is what they say as the bus pulls away. Tomfoolery on the bus will be met with a harsh "bud bud ding ding, get off my bus please". Jim Davidson will confirm these facts.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Nick Dimmock
Regional variations on the spoken 'Bud Bud Ding Ding' is this song; "Bud Bud Ding Ding Tickets please, One to Bradford one to Leeds, One to Heckmondwyke if you please, Bud Bud Ding Ding Tickets Please." Can also be substituted with Birmingham, Leicester and maybe Wolverhampton. If you must.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Anne-Marie
The song can be taken out of the bus environment and into the cornershop with this version Bud bud ding ding two ninety nine Went to the paki shop wasting my time i asked for reebok and they gave me nike i said "beep" i said "beep" i'll wear what i like Most notable for the self-censorship of the last line. We never said fuck or anything like that.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Lo-Fi Dan
A Slight variation on the song reveals an innate fraudulence of our sub-continental cousins.
Bud bud ding, two ninety-nine/
Pakis rip you off all of the time/
You ask for Reebok, they give you Nike/
Two times last week, they tried to nick my bike.
approved Apr 23 2003, submitted Mar 19 2003 by Jack R A Putay
Clearly our school was more 'urban' and, indeed, 'street'.
Bud bud ding ding,
Everybody sing sing,
The Paki rap.

approved Jan 6 2006, submitted Jan 5 2006 by Graham Beverley
Where the loneliest and most desperate children gathered, and a beacon to bullies all over the playground. The buddy stop was a 6-foot tall imitation bus stop sign; the idea was that if you had no friends to play with you would stand at the buddy stop. We were encouraged in assemblies to ask the children at the buddy stop to come and join in our games.
This encouragement was roundly ignored. If you played near it, the teachers would come over and point out the lonely children and make you ask them to join in. Hence a large area of permanent emptiness formed around the buddy stop, and after a while, no children, no matter how friendless, would ever go near it.
Seeing the unused buddy stop, the teachers probably congratulated themselves on running a school with no friendless pupils. As usual, they were as wrong as I don't know what.
approved Aug 24 2005, submitted Aug 24 2005 by anonymous user
The arrival in the 80s of the bigassed doll "My Buddy", with a catchy ad jingle ("My Buddy and Meeeeee!"), was surely bad news for any Asian classmates, who, according to TV comedians, said "bud bud" all the time, although, come to think of it, we never heard them say this at all. I wonder...
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Nick Dimmock
A childhood game in the vain of so many others but allowing for a malicious streak. The person who was on or it or whatever would have to tag someone else to get them to be on. All he had to do was catch you, so long as you weren't touching home. If you were, you were completely safe. Thing is, only so many people could be on home at once and as soon as a new person arrived at the 'home' (accompanied by a tumultuos cheer of "budge!") the person who had been there the longest would have to leave. Sounds easy! We got seriously into this and ended up with rules such as "no budging someone else until you've counted out loud to ten", "multiple homes where you only got one person per home and so you could choose your victim to budge and make 'homeless'" and "multiple budge where every time you shouted budge after joining the 'home' you could make someone else leave - and in this way, if too over excited, you could actually budge yourself." The game also came accompanied with beatings for people who never left a 'home' if at all possible, beatings for people who were "it" who used to ignore everyone until the person who had made them "it" was "budged" and just general beatings for being a twat. Like the boy who insisted that the steps were home and there was no limit, so we all sat on the steps for the entire break period and watched him run around the playground laughing at himself. Sigh.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Paul Cheese
You were safe provided you were off the ground. Cue occasional hilarity as six-year olds scrabble to climb sheer brick walls, using the strange belief that running into a wall and waving your arms around will somehow make you climb it.
approved Apr 25 2003, submitted Mar 26 2003 by Julian Burnell
Strange trousers worn by the poorer kids at school, which showed a few inches of sock (and if you were lucky, some flesh) between their shoes and the bottom of said trousers. They were flying at half-mast; hence the phrase Has your budgie died?

approved Oct 28 2003, submitted Oct 28 2003 by Richard Bacon
As the true meaning of the word "bugger" bacame known, the phrase "bugger me" (also "fuck me") became somewhat dangerous. The responses vary.
Unsophisticated : Eur, no thanks.
Revolted : Eur, you fucking queer.
Precocious : I'll wait until after PE, when you've loosened up.
Camp Camaraderie : Ooh, ducky pops.
approved Dec 3 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
The pleasurable experience of sitting in another man's lap and bouncing up and down a bit, combined with the pleasurable experience of having another man sit one's lap and bouncing up and down a bit.. multiplied by as many people as fit in the room (or, in our case, across the room, down the corridor and, on one particularly memorable occasion, halfway up the stairs to the first floor).
In no way homosexual, homoerotic, or anything other than lots of straight boys having an innocent non-sexual bumming session.
approved Dec 23 2002, submitted Dec 20 2002 by Name Withheld
Good God. I am reminded of a time when the pure energy of class 2B's non-sexual anal-train managed to shunt the teachers desk (large, wooden, full of useless educational pamphlets) from one end of the classroom to the other in a shockingly innocent congo bum line.
Hindsight is not helpful in this instance. It is still unfathomable. Unless, of course, you posit that we were all terrible little homos.
approved Jul 9 2004, submitted Mar 24 2004 by anonymous user