The Law of the Playground
the letter c
page 6 of 9
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A group is defined as much by those who are outside as inside. When, on the first day of school, Sam and his father pulled up in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, both wearing driving goggles, we all knew where the boundaries were set.
approved Dec 20 2005, submitted Oct 11 2005 by The Boy Tucker
The state of apoplexy of any child called Clive, given enough goading. 4
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Nick Locking
There is a global game of cock smack going on right now, and if you have a cock, you're playing. To initiate a round of cock smack, you must first warn your target with the phrase "you know the rules - cover your jewels". For obvious reasons, the warning phrase is often shortened to "Yehnehtheruhcuhyuhjuz". Then, smack them in the cock.

Smacks range from the full cock-punch, to the more advanced and surprisingly debilitating bell flick.
approved Oct 16 2011, submitted Oct 15 2011 by anonymous user
A phrase for erection that is so widely considered to be funny amongst me and my friends that I will brook no argument on the matter.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Christian Felicetti
An exclamation that left circulation after the rather obvious homosexual - and pornographical - implications were realised. Curiously, by Mike Cox.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Lamkin
Richard Snape was an unlucky child. He'd been 'blessed' with simian looks and intellect, a name that rhymed with "ape", but neither the brawn nor courage of his hairy counterparts.

Every music lesson was sheer hell for the poor lad; the top three classes of the junior school used to share a weekly music lesson, which involved the deputy head thumping the piano whilst we all sat in rows mumbling to various 'classic' singalongs. The exception to this was "Let's All Go Down The Strand", in which the "HAVE A BANANA" refrain was sung as rousingly as possible with all eyes falling on Richard.

Last time I saw him he was working in a 'budget-conscious' shoe shop.
approved Jun 30 2007, submitted Jan 23 2006 by Yak Spit
If you're going to insist on having a war about fish with a country as silly as Iceland, then you could be accused of trying to engineer a real-life Monty Python sketch. But the Icelandic Cod Wars were a real thing, not a whimsical Footlights jape. And the dispute over fishing rights had a very real impact in British schools. Namely, primary school boys would grab each others dicks and scream "COD WARS".
approved Feb 17 2013, submitted Jul 28 2012 by anonymous user
CHI-yuld molestAH!
Code name: Eben-STEIN!
He is the UGliest!
Man you've ever SEEN!

People who have traditional child molesting faces should not become teachers. People who lack the self-awareness to look in the mirror and say "Christ, I don't half look like a paedophile, what with my furtive, sad eyes, sneering lip and pattern baldness" should not be pitied for their treatment at the hands of children.
When the above rhyme fades, simply boybott lessons and sit in your squads, singing;
Gotta be, gotta be,
Domino's... Buffalo Wings
approved Jul 22 2003, submitted Jul 16 2003 by Name Withheld
A US term for any mother who decided to have a child later on her life. Particular pleasure should be taken from the fact that the child is more likely to see his mother die long before yours, affording you many years of actual "dead mum" jokes before you have to deal with the trauma yourself.
"How old's ya Mom?"
"Hahaha, Coffin-Mom"
approved May 10 2005, submitted May 2 2005 by Dave Palser
A simple game in which two gamblers toss 10p coins (pound coins for flash bastards) at the wall. The one which lands closest wins, and keeps both coins.
The blackjack or baccarat of the playground casino, these contests were risky games of skill which had to be held away from the eyes of staff, which is where the illicit smokers would also gather.
This, combined with the fact that it was usually only fairly hard kids who played, meant the whole sleazy scene had the tough, edgy tension of a Scorcese picture.
approved Oct 7 2004, submitted Feb 17 2004 by moogle mania
At one point during the moral and sociological evolution of our class, superiority over others suddenly came down to one thing and one thing only: the girth of your shit. Ludicrous Pythonesque exaggerations flew thick and fast, but Big Dai Morgan's solemn claim that he'd laid one as thick as a Coke can while out camping the previous week was both horrifying and oddly believable.
approved Dec 20 2002, submitted Dec 19 2002 by Leigh L.
Paul Colbert's brother was variously in the army, navy, or government, and would get you if you didn't leave him alone.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Ben
Daubed on the wall of the gym in 3 foot high letters at some unknown point in the school's history. Whilst being erased (quite soon after appearing, one assumes) the letters were still clearly defined, even from 300m away at the other end of the school field.

Strangely, any camp commandant had left by the time I joined, but house head 'Uncle' Beresford seemed quite willing to fill the role. Canteen food was perhaps the most obvious remnant of this hushed period of the school's history...
approved Oct 3 2003, submitted Oct 3 2003 by Toy Racer
Colin was star of an late 70's educational video about and the horrors of kidney failure and the wonders of dialysis. He was a fey child, a girlishly slight frame setting off a girlishly soprano voice. (Blimey - he sounds like antique-hunting pre-teen James Harries... - Log)
Colin's jim-jams were paisley, had flared sleeves and pointed collars. Colin looked away, biting his brave bottom lip as his mother stuck a sharp needle into his arm.
As if this wasn't heart-breaking enough, Colin's chirpy closing speech to the camera distilled into fifteen words what dialysis means to so many; "I love being on my dialysis machine, because then I can eat crisps and pop."
approved Jun 19 2004, submitted Apr 16 2004 by The Boy Tucker
The rallying cry of dedicated onanist Dewy Gibbon, as he attempted to initiate a group wanking session. Dewy Gibbon was - unsurprisingly - the most unpopular and bullied kid in the school.
approved Oct 13 2004, submitted Oct 13 2004 by anonymous user
Come on my face, come on my fucking face. Use the latter if the former doesn't produce results.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Craig Lewis
In the now well-established "skill = african bum disease" way, if you admitted to coming hard, then you fancied men. I was worried for a good year that when I finally started having sex, then a futuristic spunk cube would plop out of the end of my penis, that my partner would then have to eat.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
"How stupid you are" - a phrase inexplicably listed at the back of Tricolore, despite never being used in the book. This happy find made its way into letters, postcards, and essays on pets and family. Miss R tolerantly overlooked this habit, placing a pair of red brackets around the phrase and ignoring it. I like to imagine this perpetuated a belief that randomly insulting a Frenchman is correct and acceptable BUT ONLY INSIDE PARENTHESES.
approved Jul 27 2005, submitted May 8 2005 by Paul Equinox Collins
Just one example of what adolescent sex hair isn't called.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Bradley Knowles
I can't remember if there was a conscious decision to force school epileptic Simon Tyler to have the computer with the flickery screen, but he did the business that afternoon - a shakedown spectacular that made Mr Gratland sweat like fuck because he didn't know shit about first aid.
approved Apr 21 2005, submitted Dec 17 2004 by Phil Harris