The Law of the Playground
the letter r
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A beautifully poetic moment on a geography field trip to the Lake District. When one of the female teachers sat down on a rock for a little rest, her shorts happened to show a little more flesh than they should. One of the boys couldn't help but notice, and immediately told everyone: "Mrs Jones's got rugged flaps". A higher compliment there could barely be.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Stephen Doolan
I'm not sure whether this has a name to it, but I remember licking the end of my ruler, then making someone else smell it. I suppose it could come under the title "Ruler smelling". Usually Helix rulers.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Al Pagan
"Measuring" was a boring half-hour session at primary school, in which we had a worksheet that tasked us with tasks such as "Draw a line 1.5cm long".
Gary use his to measure his cock. Colin who, in hindsight was probably a gaylord, offered to help, and marked in green felt where it rose to.
When it came to measuring in the future, the ruler with the green felt tip at the 8cm mark was one to be avoided.
approved Sep 26 2003, submitted Sep 26 2003 by Leigh Hall
Harmless stories retold in school only need about two periods to change into nasty perverted rumours that win the hapless victim a year's worth of beatings. Let's study the following case;
Gareth and Joe walked to school together everyday. One day, Gareth told Joe that he felt sick because he had to share bath water with his brother. He had waited for his brother to get out, then got in himself and washed his face with the water, but his brother then told him he had done a piss in the bath.
Gareth's brother pissed into the water in front of Gareth and then Gareth drank the water. Once.
Gaz lets his brother piss into his mouth. REGULARLY.
Gareth ALWAYS begs his brother to piss into his mouth, because he loves pissdrinking SO DAMN MUCH.
Gareth CONSTANTLY sucks his brother off in the bath. So much so, it's amazing he has time to come to school.
Joe having to go into hiding for the rest of that week, as Gareth tried to track him down to kick his teeth in.
approved Jan 1 2006, submitted Dec 30 2005 by anonymous user
The rumour mill worked overtime for this one:

Rufus once bit his lip in front of the school vicar.
And thus:
Rufus said 'fuck' in front of the vicar
Rufus told the vicar to fuck off.
Rufus pushed the vicar and told him to fuck off.
Rufus twatted the actual Pope.
approved Jul 20 2007, submitted Mar 8 2006 by anonymous user
This seems as good a forum as any to state; David Craig, once and for all, I don't care what your mum says my mum said in 1982, I did NOT have stitches on my cock when I was cicumcised.
approved Jul 20 2007, submitted Apr 29 2006 by Drew Styles
Matty Johnson was visiting his equally vaucous and football-obsessed would-be criminal friend David Warburton one night at his home. Warby, keen to impress his friend, set about beating up his younger brother at various points during the evening.
At one point, Warby went off on his own to continue the job and had been gone some time. But when Matty went to investigate, what he actually heard was Warby's brother, ever so faintly saying, "stop it, David. It hurts", behind their closed bedroom door.
Naturally, it was assumed that Warby fucked his brother regularly and to commemorate this discovery, Billy Brown brought in a tape of that song that goes "he's my brother" and played it in the form room.
approved Nov 23 2007, submitted Jun 8 2006 by James Cooper
1991, and Matty was staying over at Taylor's house. Taylor's mum and dad had gone out and when they returned, Taylor's parents sent the two fourteen year olds off to bed in a perfectly normal fashion. The following day, when viewed through the inexplicable filter of rumour madness, this gradually:

Became: Taylor's mum and dad came back pissed up and sent the lads packing.
Became: Taylor's dad was drunkenly groping Taylor's mum whilst slurring 'It's OK, love, the lads are going upstairs now'.
Became: Taylor's mum and dad went into the kitchen to have it off, regardless of who was where in the house.
Became: They were so pissed up and randy, they had sex IN THE OVEN while Taylor cried.

Needless to say Matty, who was recounting the story, remained cool and aloof throughout the sordid carry-on.
approved Apr 15 2008, submitted Jul 26 2006 by Spaghetti Hoops
Tim was a hugely fat geordie with hairy moles all over his face, and arrogant as fuck until we broke his spirit. He normally avoided PE as the idea of him doing any kind of physical activity was so blatantly farcical. On one occasion the PE teacher decided it would be good for him to play Rounders, and ordered him outside. As Tim lumbered between the posts, the teacher tried to encourage him with a shout of 'Run, Tim, Run!'. Whether the teacher was being kind or cruel, from then on, any running person, fat or otherwise, called Tim or not, was spurred on with a shout of 'Run, Tim, Run!'. As an aftermath to the games lesson we stole his trousers, and discovered to our delight that we could fit two ordinary-sized people into them. He walked home in his shorts.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Rocky Shore Pervert
Rupert was, comparatively, a fairly normal kid at my primary school. This changed drastically the day he threw a pair of skidmarked Y-fronts onto his neighbour's roof to avoid the embarrassment of his mum having to wash the poo out. He had left the name tag in and the throw had been quite naff. The neighbour spotted the pants on his roof, went up to retrieve them and brought them round to show his mum, who actually owned the village shop. Not sure whether that makes it any funnier, but she did. Word spread fast and Rupert became widely known, so much so that many who hadn't met him before thought his surname was Pants. "RUPERTPANTS" was always said as one word, in an American accent, with emphasis on the last vowel. Rupert would often turn red and go mental, especially when the songs began to be invented, the most noteworthy being (to the tune of Deutschland Uber Alles, I think) "Coughs and sneezes spread di-sea-ses, Put them in your rupertpants." ...and, to the tune of "Let's Dance" (as sung by Jive Bunny at the time), "Hey baby won't you take a chance / Just smell Rupert's underpants / And let's dance / da-da-da-da da da da-da-da/ Oh let's dance"
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Gibbon Boy
Two people take turns twatting each other's hands with the spine of a book. Loser must then present the English teacher with a copy of the heavily blood-stained GCSE text used. Origin of 'Russian' in game title unknown.
approved Dec 3 2005, submitted May 4 2005 by aiden clarkson