The Law of the Playground
the letter s
page 13 of 13
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We were never sure if there really was a chemical in the water which would reveal if you had pissed in the swimming pool. However, throwing opened ink cartridges into the water behind Neil Jervis as he swam was enough to have him hauled out of the pool and sent to change. The reputation which stuck to him afterwards may have deprived him of female company well into his teens.
approved Aug 1 2005, submitted Jul 18 2005 by Tony Green
Presenting your teachers with a bundle of lumpen, shit-filled keks as proof that you are ill.
Generally, fingers down the throat or a note will suffice. Actually producing tangible turds is considered a little much.
approved Jul 21 2003, submitted Jul 15 2003 by Sarcaustic
Another way of avoiding swimming for girls was to say you had your period. When you did so the teacher would put a 'P' by your name. Presumably to keep track of the amount of girls having four periods a month to avoid going into the foul outdoor pool, which was full of dead bees and piss.
approved Sep 29 2003, submitted Jul 22 2003 by jenny harper
One of our woodwork teachers, Mr Woodyatt, was so overcome by how god-awful our school was, that he took positive measures and hung himself.
This cleverness of this song, noting both the similar scan of "Mr Woodyatt" to "Sweet Chariot", and tying in the reference to the swinging actio of the recently hung, was not noted by the other teachers, who bollocked us.
Legend had it that he didn't compose the rope properly the first time, and came to earth with a a thud. He got it right next time round though, avoiding another bruised coccyx and neatly snapping his neck. Well done, Mr Woodyatt!
approved Dec 12 2003, submitted Nov 11 2003 by Name Withheld
Our headmaster's wife had the misfortune to commit suicide by hanging herself in the bathroom just around the time that the song Hanging on a Rope by Rocket From The Crypt was in the charts. Being a headmaster, Mr Williams had absolutely no knowledge at all about pop culture, and therefore had no idea why, wherever he went in the school, every kid he encountered was whistling the same tune. Looking back, it's probably just as well he had no idea.
approved Jul 8 2006, submitted Jul 8 2006 by jake hardcastle