The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Phil Jeffcott
Search LOTP
Michael Spencer had to be the fattest teacher ever. Unfortunately there are no amusing incidents relating to his girth.
approved Sep 25 2003, submitted Sep 23 2003 by Phil Jeffcott
Credit must be given to Dov Skipper for his valiant efforts to avoid the dreaded BCG jab.
As we all remember, there was an initial jab which would inflame should the antibodies in question already be in place. For a fortunate few, this meant no actual BCG.
Dov came up with the idea of artificially inflaming his test jab. So he spent a week attacking the test spot on his wrist with an arsenal of pencils, drawing pins, fingernail etc. The result was not so much an inflamation as a gaping Richey Manic style lesion.
The nurse wasn't convinced that he was already super-immune, and that his massive trauma was the product of really fucking kick-ass antibodies.
approved Sep 23 2003, submitted Sep 23 2003 by Phil Jeffcott
Not to be confused with Jabba the Butt, an elderly, overweight, knuckleless buttery ogre on the till. The trick was to try and get your change back without actually making contact with her Walls pork fingers. She worked in cahoots with Richard Keepthechange, who handed back your receipt with the words, 'keep the change'. My sides.

Nicknaming supermarket staff remains a phenomenon to this day - my local Morrisons' has Rod Hull, Moomin and Bully's Special Prize Man.
approved Apr 11 2005, submitted Sep 23 2003 by Phil Jeffcott
Humorous alteration of sole Japanese schoolkid Eitaro Komakini's surname, to reflect events in Hiroshima in 1945.
Undeniably racist but justified given his tendency to refer to himself as 'Rad Komaz'and the fact that he thought Five Star were 'really wicked'.
approved Sep 23 2003, submitted Sep 23 2003 by Phil Jeffcott
Our foul German teacher was in the habit of leaving her dogs in her Volvo estate in the playground car park for protracted periods. No-one was surprised when one of them finally succumbed on a particularly humid summer's day.

The following day she had organised some role-playing GCSE scenarios, one of which involved being in a cafe and ordering food.

So it was perfectly legitimate for the resident classhole to declare: "Ich mochte ein Hot Dog"...
approved Sep 22 2003, submitted Sep 22 2003 by Phil Jeffcott