The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
J Tapdancer
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An ollie, as everyone who's ever played Tony Hawks will know, is like when you jump, but with a skateboard on.
Aged thirteen, we would practice our ollies for hours on end. When any of us got so much as an inch off the ground, we could all get seriously amazed.
During one afternoon of such cripple-hopping, we heard the roll and clatter of a familiar crap half-ollie, followed by a loud and insincere exclamation of "whoops!".
Apparently, while we were looking the other way, Alan had accidentally ollied over his dad's car.
Now, the thing that made this especially amazing, was Alan's ongoing persistence that the trick was not in his mind. This went on for months, despite constant jeering and a failure to repeat the trick because when people were looking, it "put him off".
These lies climaxed with an audacious lie-reversal, where he shouted at everyone that he'd never said that he had accidentally ollied over his father's car, and that he hadn't maintained the opposite for the last four months at all.
Ask him today, and he still denies he ever said it, which totally proves my point.
approved Nov 19 2004, submitted Nov 16 2004 by J Tapdancer
The Dragon
Basically a genie, but one tears out a small square from the inner and outer parts to the matchbox on the side where the match heads sit. Then apply lit match in similar fashion to the genie but, and here is where the dragon becomes wildly more daring, stick the lit match through the little square hole. Result? A burst of directed flame almost exactly (un)like a burst of flame from a grumpy dragon's cave.
approved Sep 29 2004, submitted Apr 20 2004 by J Tapdancer
One of a range of questions that will generally be followed by a lingering, horrified silence. The questioner will discover that no, no one knew, and that he had, in fact, made a terrible blunder that would haunt him for the rest of his days.
approved Dec 4 2003, submitted Oct 23 2003 by J Tapdancer