The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Davy .
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A game to play when you're bored. It looks like you're really interested in what the teacher has to say. But in reality, you're just waiting for him to say "put your hands up" so that you can all mutter "my arse" afterwards.

With a good enough mental library of double entendres, just about anything the teacher says can be followed with "my arse", with hilarity inevitably ensuing.

Oh, and Mr Jones, once you've realised just how immature your class really is, moaning 'oh come on...' isn't really going to help matters.
approved Sep 25 2005, submitted Aug 4 2005 by Davy .
One of the large windows of our third floor french classroom was pushed out and onto the ground as a result of a wasp assassination plot which went badly wrong. This was even better than it sounds, because when Ian smashed the large textbook into the window, he did so under direct orders from our teacher. An evil insect died, an entire class of children got to watch a large piece of glass get smashed, and the teacher had no-one to blame but himself. Absolutely bloody marvellous.
approved Aug 1 2005, submitted Jul 22 2005 by Davy .
Go to the British Blind Sport website for the lowdown on lots of blind sports, including football.
By far the best blind game is goalball, however - I saw it on TV a while ago, but had completely forgotten it until just now.
This, people, is GOALBALL!!!
approved Oct 6 2004, submitted Jan 6 2004 by Davy .
During Commandos, the computer game,the soldiers will say schnell, but also something that sounds like 'Uncle Lester'. This has been part of my German vocabulary for years now, although no-one knows what it means. PS - please help

It's 2011, now. Surely someone can be arsed to download an emulator, play this game, then report back? I know I can't.
approved Nov 24 2003, submitted Oct 19 2003 by Davy .
I don't really want to add anything to this over-elongated list, but I do want you all to know just how much I hate how wrong you all are.
approved Oct 21 2003, submitted Oct 9 2003 by Davy .
Mood rings magically display the temperature of the wearer I'm afraid. It's always blue. Thrillingly, a good dose of Lynx will turn them temporarily black, and will strip the fake silver from the ring in the next couple of days.

approved Oct 7 2003, submitted Oct 6 2003 by Davy .
Some kid in the year below pissed right up himself, all over his jumper and in his own face, trying to beat me! He pissed in his own face!
I was the best in our first school at this, cos I'm well tall. I heard once that I'd managed to get a little bit of piss on the ceiling one time, but I think someone got a little over excited (as you would) and made that bit up.
approved Oct 2 2003, submitted Oct 1 2003 by Davy .
Wearing Lotto trainers made one girl in our school the 'Lotto Monster' for quite some time. No-one had much against her bar that.
approved Oct 2 2003, submitted Oct 1 2003 by Davy .
My first ever detention, year 4. What for? Dunking an apple in my chocolate milk. A strange, strange, reason to punish one so young.

Next, year 8, writing 'fuck' in an essay on pirates. Pirates DO say "Fuck"! Good examples are: 'fuckin land ahoy' and 'yarrrr me fucker.' and 'fuckin shiver me fuckin timbers.'
They. DO.
approved Apr 15 2005, submitted Oct 1 2003 by Davy .
Well, if Jennifer was only spelt with one E as I, quite rightly in my mind, presumed, THEN they would only love each other the 24%.

Well, this isn't a hole that is easy to dig my way out of. I hang my head in shame.
approved Oct 2 2003, submitted Oct 1 2003 by Davy .
Courtney and Jennifer only love each other 24%, which just goes to show, logic is not to be trusted. Maybe its more successful if the entire 'Loves' is in their name, an example being 'John Lovestein.'
This man might not exist.

This is clearly a lie. Courtney and Jennifer love each other 85%. Please don't resort to such tabloid-style muck slinging, we're a respectable website. Tsk. - Phil
approved Sep 29 2003, submitted Sep 27 2003 by Davy .
I think you'll find that french ducks say 'quang.'

On a lighter note, french dogs say 'waf waf'. They don't say the phonetically similar 'wife wife', although it would be folly to imagine that a dog would be able to make such a distinction.
approved Sep 17 2003, submitted Jul 14 2003 by Davy .
Someone gave me a link to a picture on steakandcheese.com of a woman with a fork in her 'front bottom.' Is that the type of thing you're after?
approved Jul 24 2003, submitted Jul 12 2003 by Davy .
fourth the golden eagle, fifth the witch, in the ditch, eating bread and treacle. This was pathetic, and made no sense to any of us. No-one gave a shit about being fourth or fifth to be honest.
approved Dec 3 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Davy .