The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
benzaemon benzaemon
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There's this girl that my friend used to go out with, from a different town of course, and on Christmas her dad disappeared. Oh no! Three days later there came a wierd smell - from the chimney. Scream! When the fire brigade broke open the chimney, to find out what could possibly be up there, lo and behold, there was her dad dressed as Father Christmas. Gaspers! You see, right, he'd tried to play a clever trick, but it had shockingly backfired as he had got stuck, because he never thought to inform his wife beforehand, or indeed shout when he became trapped.
This urban legend did the rounds every year, even after chimneys were virtually unheard of, until it became so crippled and tired that even the teller would dispense it with a weary offhand cynicism.
If you hear anyone telling it this year, kick out their sex.
approved Dec 16 2003, submitted Dec 7 2003 by benzaemon benzaemon
The sweep of sudden good behaviour that settles over a class when a routine session of pre-teacher misbehaviour goes horribly wrong. Within seconds, everyone will be sat, books turned to the correct pages, in absolute silence.
A good example being when a game of indoor football knocks a cup of full coffee onto the fifth years' coursework.
Time stopped, the camera swept around the football, there was an extreme close-up on a droplet of coffee, and every child lifted into the air, and flew back into their seats.
The teacher, when he arrived, would see two things; the culmination of the fifth years' secondary education rendered useless, and a class of 30 really well behaved twelve year olds.
We thought the two things would pretty much balance out.
approved Jul 9 2004, submitted Dec 4 2003 by benzaemon benzaemon