The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
pepe le pew
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The 'Schools Christian Assembly Team' who toured Derby, and possibly elsewhere, in the late 80s.

On the night before his death, according to the Christian scriptures, Jesus consecrated bread, wine and chocolate and gave them to his disciples, saying "this is my body", "this is my blood" and "this is my poo-poo". He commanded his followers to repeat this rite in his memory, and the Poocharist traditionally involves consecration of bread, wine and Walnut Whips by the clergy and their consumption by worshippers.

In Roman Catholicism the Poocharist is a cackrament, and the bread, wine and chocolate are thought to become the actual body, blood and ploppies of Jesus through transubstantiation.
approved Aug 10 2006, submitted Aug 4 2006 by pepe le pew, rosy rockets
A large brown birthmark on Simon Pickard's wrist that grew frighteningly luxurious thick black hair.
To send him into a screaming eppy, you simply asked Simon the time. Then, when he looked at his black plastic Casio, you would tell him you meant the time on his 'hairy' watch.
I'm sure he hoped the game would die out in secondary school as we all matured, but instead, having started French lessons, the wording simply changed to 'No, what's the time au naturelle?'
approved Jul 27 2006, submitted Jun 28 2006 by pepe le pew
I remember a rumour flying around the playground that there was an image of a topless woman in feature length rat tale 'The Rescuers'. Several of the more popular kids who could get away with blatantly lying to the masses claimed to have seen it. I personally cannot find it, does anyone out there know anything about this?
The rumours of nude flashframes also abounded in E.T., and the video for Frankie Goes To Hollywood's Relax. I think this is a common urban myth, and not serving as a cautionary tale (as most do, someone has sex then a lobster hatches in their anus), was probably put about by Disney themselves. Incidentally, I was told that Frankie's Relax was banned from radio play because just after he said "When you want to come...", he cheekily added, in a barely audible whisper, "let's have sex". Not understanding the concept of holding back from ejaculation - in fact, practising the exact opposite as often as possible - this seemed much more shocking to me. Frankie was, in fact, whispering an invitation for everyone to join him in a big sex; that's why it mustn't be played over the radio. I'm rambling. Log.
approved Feb 18 2004, submitted Dec 18 2003 by pepe le pew
The worst thing about our version of Patrick Sears - Greg Edge - was that throughout his torture, he maintained a bright and cheery disposition, and was relentlessly nice to both his tormentors and those who ignored him.
It was like someone had told him that if you smiled and behaved well, everything would turn out all right in the end. And, like some grinning man-tard, he had believed them.
approved Jul 15 2004, submitted Dec 10 2003 by pepe le pew
Also consider the use of racial panic; 'pakis don't come in tens sir, they come in thousands'.
approved Jan 19 2004, submitted Dec 10 2003 by pepe le pew