The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Jamie Gambell
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An afternoon gathering place for boys in the early stages of masturbation exploration, in which they could sit and toss off save in the knowledge that girls rarely went to Wangas. Wangas was a big plot of wasteland near our school, and the tree a big, slightly collapsed Oak. If you sat in the tree you had to wank to the point of ejaculation otherwise you couldn't get down. The tree had an established hierarchy, the better you were at wanking, the higher in the tree you wanked. Therefore, you were less likely to be hit by anything flying out above you. One kid (Steven McIntyre) was really popular in our class, thanks to his hard Army brother, but fell down the wanking order after he claimed to have spunked, when in actuality he had just secreted a mixture of piss and precum. Dirty liar.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jamie Gambell
The act of slapping an unsuspecting individual as hard as possible across their forehead and shouting 'Spam'.
This can be countered by holding a guarding hand across the forehead, if suspicious of an approaching attack. This led to the development of the 'Neckback' which followed a similar path as the 'Spam' but involved slapping the back of the neck. This is also known as MAPS - spam backwards, you see.
When a double guard was developed, involving a person holding both their forehead and the back of their neck, a third route of attack, the 'Lipblap', was unveiled. This involved slapping down at a persons mouth (when they were talking for best effect) causing them to sound stupid and make a wet blubber noise. The beauty of this third attack meant that even when guarding, there was always one route of attack open - although the attacker now had to be quick to find the ungauarded area, and (especially with the 'Lipblap') the confusion tended to result in a simple face punch.
approved Dec 10 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jamie Gambell