Gerald Malarkey was devoid of any kind of morality or humanity. Once he was disturbed from slamming a small kids head in a door by a particularly stupid PE teacher. This prompted the line "What's all this Malarky....", at which point he lost momentum, realising how his sentence must end. "....errm.... Malarky..." And we all laughed,except for the guy with his head in the door,who wept.
Simon Cowan was a very tall very thin bloke, and as such was prone to unwarranted attacks. As a defence mechanism, he developed the guffy mong. This was a disconcerting fit, heavy on the spazzy flips and Tourette's Syndrome honking and barking. This would disconcert his assailants to the point where they'd simply leave him alone. Proving that even the most primitive societies have an innate respect for the insane.
Giving someone the finger,except you stick up your pinky rather than your middle finger. Then you must bellow in a crap chinese accent "CHINESE RUDE FINGER" Thus avoiding the ire of the teachers as the gesture is neither rude nor particularly Chinese. (I was told this by a six year old called Emma)
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