The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Erin Miller
Search LOTP
On the topic of mother insults, this is possibly the funniest graffito I ever saw written with a black magic marker on the wall of the bus shelter. Here it is, exactly as it was written and punctuated:
Douse your mum smell of fish!
I think she douse!

The writer could have simply stated it as a simple fact, i.e. 'your mum smells of fish'. So why did they instead phrase it as they did?
Perhaps the intent was to give their statement a pantomine-like emphasis by phrasing it as a question and then offering up a retort to any arguments that there might be on the subject, as in: "Your mum smells of fish!" (Response: 'Oh no she doesn't!') "Oh yes she does!"
Or perhaps, it was felt necessary to give the reader the opportunity to contest the statement by phrasing it as a question, then, as if imagining what the reply might be, letting them know prematurly that they intend to stand by their conviction, as in: "Do you think that your mum smells of fish? Because even if you don't, I do.".
Or perhaps there was an ongoing debate that the writer decided to settle right there on the bus shelter wall. "There has been some discussion as to whether or not your mum smells of fish. I have done some investigating - which didn't prove too difficult, as you can smell your mother's fishy stank from some distance. So, in conclusion, yes, your mother does stink of the fish."
approved Jul 9 2004, submitted Feb 19 2004 by Erin Miller
Eenie meenie at our school was always a bit of a lost cause. I imagine an adult at some point tried to offer a reasonable-sounding substitution to the word 'nigger' but failed to come up with anything. This resulted in some confusion.
On the plus side, none of us used the word 'nigger'; on the minus side, no-one as far as I can remember could ever really complete the rhyme. Attempts were made to guess what the missing words might be, and this was the best we could come up with:
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo,
Catch a fish and let it go,
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo,
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo.
A good example, I think, of an oral tradition utterly failing to evolve. Or, more accurately, evolving into a form that has spazflippers instead of arms and legs. I think we'd have been glad for the suggestion of 'Tiger'.
approved Oct 4 2004, submitted Feb 19 2004 by Erin Miller