The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Hannah Peterson
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A phrase which my Foods teacher said about a jar of mustard that was nearly empty.
My friend Amy found this phrase inexplicably funny and repeated it at least once every Foods lesson, which was annoying until she said it out loud after the teacher announced that she was having a baby.
approved Jul 26 2005, submitted Jul 26 2005 by Hannah Peterson
We had two lab assistants, one of either gender.
The male was not the usual, timid sort. He would stop and stand in the middle of the lab, put his hands on his hips, and push his crotch forward and look around, as if to say "See! I have a penis, teenaged girls! Look in the direction of my out-thrust penis!"
The female once blew a large blob of blood and snot out of her nose, into the full beaker she was carrying, when she laughed at one of the Chemistry teacher's bad jokes.
This painted a nice enough picture of their married life between classrooms - him waving his cock around and her laughing blood onto it.
approved Nov 29 2005, submitted Jul 26 2005 by Hannah Peterson
This was a word we used to describe erect nipples. I think it was short for "frosty nipples", referring to the way that nipples often stiffen when they get cold.
It is also what Maria Westbrook started calling Samantha Dentley after she noticed that Samantha's nipples were almost always erect - a nickname that was never used by anyone else because we were far more interested in making fun of Maria the Nipple Policelesbian.
approved Jun 24 2005, submitted Jun 21 2005 by Hannah Peterson
There was a small Buddhist monastery across the road from my school, and at lunchtime we'd often see groups of monks walking down the street. Most of the monks were lean and lithe, but there was one monk who was, to put it mildly, a right fat bastard.

The monks made sculptures from butter, and it was generally accepted among the students at our school that the other monks only kept Fat Monk around because he would eat the sculptures they fucked up. A friend of mine wrote a haiku about him for English class:

Big fat Buddhist monk
Eats the bad butter sculptures
Human rubbish bin.
approved Jul 27 2005, submitted Jun 5 2005 by Hannah Peterson
At school camp one year, Sarah Thorpe decided that nobody was paying enough attention to her and that the only way to rectify this was to slit her wrists.
By rubbing them on a blunt stick she found in the river.
When we reacted by laughing at her and pointing out that you were supposed to cut along the vein and not across, she went to one of the teachers whilst jabbing her wrist with the stick and said "Look Mr. Henderson, I'm killing myself!"
Rather than call the paramedics, she was simply sent home for "being silly".
approved May 31 2005, submitted May 31 2005 by Hannah Peterson
More evidence that women are in constant danger of their fannies blowing up, from Hannah Peterson.
Going by the pages I found by searching for "vagina air embolus" it's possible, but more likely soon after childbirth. A quote from http://www.midwivesonline.com/sex.htm: "It is not advisable to have penetrative sex in the days after the birth. There is a risk of air embolus - meaning that the penis can act as a piston inside the vagina and drive air into the maternal blood stream through the raw placental site. This air can travel to the major organs and can be fatal."
I'd imagine that blowing into the vagina could maybe have a similar effect, depending on how hard and piston-like you blew through the raw, placental site.
approved Apr 11 2005, submitted Nov 1 2004 by Hannah Peterson
Hmmm, I would've thought that a bumming y would involve someone getting bummed by two people at once... The person to be bummed would bend over and touch his toes. The bummers would bum side by side, keeping their legs behind the bummee and leaning their upper bodies out on either side. Now that I think about it, this may not be physically possible. But at least it's proper bumming.
approved Oct 21 2004, submitted Oct 19 2004 by Hannah Peterson
Our Biology class ended up doing the fetal pig dissection at around the same time as our English class was reading Lord of the Flies. By the afternoon, there was a line of little heads on the ends of pencils in the garden outside the school. It was beautiful.
approved Oct 18 2004, submitted Oct 17 2004 by Hannah Peterson
A retarded girl.
It was a peculiarity of Anita's retardedness that she got upset very easily. You would only have to say "Hey, Anita!" to get her attention, then say something innocuous, like "It's raining!". This would cause her to scream "It's not!", start crying, and run away.
When I was about seven years old, Anita would have been about fifteen. My friend and I climbed a small flight of stairs to find her standing at the top, with her handler and a teacher (who was congratulating her on how well she was behaving that morning).
I decided that this would be a very good time for her to go mong in the head, so I yelled "Hey Anita... YOU HAVE NEW SHOES ON!"
Normally she would have said "I DO NOOOOT", cried, and run away. This time, however, she picked me up, bellowed in my face, then threw me down the stairs.
Funny folk, these mingmongs.
approved Oct 13 2004, submitted Oct 13 2004 by Hannah Peterson