The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Osiris of Egypt
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If a man is predisposed to prostate cancer, he has to ejaculate at least once daily to avoid getting cancer of the penis which leads to either death or castration.

That's obviously what Mark's mum was doing.
approved Jan 2 2007, submitted Oct 10 2006 by Osiris of Egypt
Ask someone what their favourite number is, out of 8, 10, or 11.

If they say "8", make a circle with the thumb and index finger of both hands, and hold them one above the other to represent the figure 8. Then rapidly bonk the two circles together to represent lesbian sex. Numerologists agree that fans of the number 8 are dirty gay bummers.

If they say "11", extend both your index fingers and hold them next to each other to look like the number 11. Then bang the fingertips together rapidly to represent man-on-man action. Another bummer exposed.

If they say "10", extend the index finger of one hand and form a circle with the thumb and index finger of the other. Hold these up together so that it looks something like the number 10. Then put your finger through the hole to represent heterosexual intercourse. But keep your bum against the wall - the number 10 is the bummers' smokescreen.
approved Sep 9 2007, submitted Oct 9 2006 by Osiris of Egypt
The year after I left school, I discovered that one of my old RE teachers had, in his new group, an Arabic boy named Osama. On discovering this, he remarked "Oh, so you're a little terrorist."
I hear he has been suspended.
approved Jul 25 2006, submitted Dec 18 2005 by Osiris of Egypt
Theoretically, if you write this on a clean board, it will drive your entire class to the brink of insanity, as they try to work out whether it is true or false. If it is one, it is automatically the other, yet the two are mutually exclusive.
What actually happens is some idiot writes 'Aodhna likes girls' and 'Johnny isn't gay.' Cunt.
approved Dec 21 2004, submitted Dec 18 2004 by Osiris of Egypt
I once stuck a 'Rape Me' sign to a classmate's back, which had the entire technical drawing class in hysteric in about three seconds.
I'm certain that we all enjoyed the sign on many levels, not least of which the logical paradox of a request for non-consensual sex.
However, the teacher just rolled his eyes, and muttered something about "primary school humour".
Like under 10s are tuned into the nuances of rape jokes, sir. Like that's the case. Sir.
approved Apr 19 2005, submitted Dec 18 2004 by Osiris of Egypt