The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Marc Sedgwick
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A gang of five or six kids would surround you, and proceed to scientifically beat the crap out of you, scientifically concentrating on places that were liable to cause the most pain. Just when you approached the threshold of tolerable pain, your shoes were scientifically torn off and thrown away, and five or six vicious teenage bastards would scientifically pummel the soles of your feet, to scientifically test the theory that this cancelled out pain anywhere else in your body. It fucking didn't. Ever.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Marc Sedgwick
Roll-front wooden lockers were a gift to the catarrhal terrorist. You spend half an hour hacking up phlegm then select a locker. You slightly raise the front and then carefully dribble extremely glutinous phlegm - the Camel Yocker - into such a position that the locker front, when lowered, rests in it. Any subsequent raising of the locker front produces a glistening, nauseating curtain of yocker strands, preventing access to the locker's contents. If you were really lucky, you could distract the locker's owner at exactly the right time. He would then reach in without looking, pushing his hand through the napalm-like yocker waterfall.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Marc Sedgwick