The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Blacky
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Makes You Deaf
"Wa-ka Maya Deh!"
"Pardon?"
"Wan Kamakya Deeeh!"
"What?"
"Wanking Makes You Deaf!"
approved Dec 10 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Blacky
A cruel and unusual punishment, wherein the intended victim is held very firmly to the floor. Then, whoever has the sweatiest ringpeice pulls down his own pants and gently lowers it onto the nose of the receiver. Why this is called a Queenie, I don't know.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Blacky
'Plucks' are free punches which were earned after someone has farted. The first person to smell the travesty says 'pluck' as many times as possible before the farter can say 'no pluck, no revenge' - in Geordie 'ney pluck ney revenge'. The number of plucks said beforehand become the number of free punches to be claimed. The temptation to not admit your fart at all was compelling. Declaring 'ney pluck ney revenge' as soon as you fart allows you freedom to waft it around for all to enjoy.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Blacky
Derived from Lenny Henry's impersonation of David Bellamy. Obviously, when he said "grapple my grapenuts", he was trying to make it sound like it meant "twist my bollocks". Our school put the translation into painful practice. Whilst twisting the victims bollocks, the attacker would say "ooh, grapple my grapenuts". Quite disarming.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Blacky