The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Spaghetti Hoops
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1991, and Matty was staying over at Taylor's house. Taylor's mum and dad had gone out and when they returned, Taylor's parents sent the two fourteen year olds off to bed in a perfectly normal fashion. The following day, when viewed through the inexplicable filter of rumour madness, this gradually:

Became: Taylor's mum and dad came back pissed up and sent the lads packing.
Became: Taylor's dad was drunkenly groping Taylor's mum whilst slurring 'It's OK, love, the lads are going upstairs now'.
Became: Taylor's mum and dad went into the kitchen to have it off, regardless of who was where in the house.
Became: They were so pissed up and randy, they had sex IN THE OVEN while Taylor cried.

Needless to say Matty, who was recounting the story, remained cool and aloof throughout the sordid carry-on.
approved Apr 15 2008, submitted Jul 26 2006 by Spaghetti Hoops
My 15 year old cousin was rather well built for his age and generally excelled at sports. One of the PE teachers decided that he needed to reassert his authority over this prodigy with a display of masculine power and potency, and so organised a 400m race between the two of them.

They sprinted off round the track, resulting in the PE teacher soundly beating the 15 year old upstart. Nobody was particularly impressed by this, but whatever tiny amount of kudos he may have gained was more than lost when, after crossing the finish line, he collapsed onto all fours and vomited over his hands.
approved Oct 25 2005, submitted Oct 19 2005 by Spaghetti Hoops
Game played after swimming at the local leisure centre during which you would put your towel over your head (like a yashmak), secure it in place by putting your swimming goggles on over it (thereby concealing your true identity), and then run around the building shouting The fleeeeeing Araaaaabs! until a member of staff got bored enough to tell you to piss off home. The bar was raised considerably when Neil Keouski neglected to wear anything other than the Arabian headdress, ran to the front of the building, and waved his cock at the receptionist.
approved Jul 25 2005, submitted Jun 20 2005 by Spaghetti Hoops
A playground dialect employed to signify that you mean the opposite of what youre actually saying. The technique is achieved by pulling your lower lip back over your bottom teeth, and making a whooshing sound as if youre describing how something has flown across a room (such as a paper aeroplane or frail child). You have to pronounce each letter s, and the end of each word where possible, using this method. Sounds complex but its easily done.

Let us illustrate this with an example.

Kid A: Look at the state of David Barnes [bag / coat / shoes / pretty much anything you care to mention]. What a fucking gyppo.
Kid B: Yeah I know. Heschh not a shcruffy cunt at allschh.
Kid A: He doeschhnt schhtink of schhit muchschh.
Kid B: And hiscch houseschh is dead cleanschh.

Using Yish, Kids A & B have successfully pointed out that David Barnes is in fact a dirty, smelly, scruffy tramp from whom, by inadvertently smelling his breath, you would certainly catch Aids. Yish can also be used safe in the knowledge that if you are overheard by a teacher when praising something in this way, the teacher is unlikely to be bothered to find out if you are being sincere or not.

Warning: Yish is not effective as a comeback if you are accused of being gay. It is no use simply saying yeschh Im really gayschh, because that just means you really ARE gay, and therefore deserving of a kicking and having everybody find out that youve bummed your dad. No reason, it just DOES.
approved May 15 2005, submitted Jan 21 2005 by Spaghetti Hoops