The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Uncle Squalid
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Alligator => Masturbator
Crododile => Peadophile
Other creatures in the "Goodbye, sweetheart" range include "In a minute, donkey's winnit", "See you soon, Ken Boon", "Au revoir, pig in a bra", and "Auf Wiedersehen, Hitler's brain".
Not to mention "Cheers, Deers", "Caio, Cow", and "B'Bye, F'fly".
I'm sorry, I took a fairly naff entry and made it three times worse. Oops - Log
approved Apr 10 2006, submitted Jun 21 2005 by Uncle Squalid
Our sadistic, moustachioed CDT teacher became rather excitable and worked up during one of his lectures, spraying a nearby girl with a shower of spittle. His only response was, "Don't worry, love. You need a pint to get AIDS".
approved Jun 24 2005, submitted Jun 15 2005 by Uncle Squalid
I knew a lad with a Japanese mum and an English dad. His mum had insisted on giving him a traditional Japanese first name - Ken. His dad's surname was Barlow. I think he'd have had a less miserable time of it at school if he'd been called Chris P. Wanksock.
approved May 3 2005, submitted May 3 2005 by Uncle Squalid
The Smiths Tubes Cannon - Chew up one Smiths Tube until it's good and spitty, then using a second tube like a pea shooter, blow globs of masticated potato at fellow diners.
Sadly, Smiths Tubes are no longer with us, but I'm confident that this will definitely work with Golden Wonder Wheat Crunchies.
The Long Wotsit - Take some Wotsits and nibble a small piece off each end. Using enough saliva, the Wotsits can be pressed together to make a single freakishly long cheesy stick. This will invariably lead to somebody declaring, "that's no Wotsit", in an Alec Guinness voice and then a dinner lady will gasp and faint.
approved Apr 26 2005, submitted Apr 25 2005 by Uncle Squalid