The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
simon mantle
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In a bid to stop me biting my nails, my parents bought me a jar of 'Stop 'n' Grow', a foul-tasting but invisible preparation to be forcibly painted on one's nails, thereby rendering them less attractive to the tooth.
One lunchtime I reasoned it would be a terrific wheeze to paint Stop 'n' Grow onto the ends of everybody's pens and pencils while they were out in the playground. My rookie mistake was to immediately tell a large handful of classmates - well, it wouldn't be any fun if I kept it to myself, would it? Loyal foot soldiers Christina Bradwell and Helen Schnitzler found out and grassed. Everybody was warned not to suck the ends of their pens, and I got my first ever strokes of the cane.

Still think it was a rock idea, though.

This entry gets in (despite its inexplicable submission under 'Welly Full of Water Fleas') because I was similarly forced to undergo the torture of the foul Stop 'n' Grow. The terror of the stuff will make you bite your nails to the quick - or not, of course. - Conor
approved Sep 4 2011, submitted Aug 10 2005 by simon mantle
At my brother's school, there was a boy from Singapore called Wee An Yew (the "An" is pronounced "on").
Curiously, no systematic persecution ever took place. Perhaps the name was widely interpreted as a threat.
approved May 12 2005, submitted May 11 2005 by simon mantle