The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Dan Leonard
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Everybody in my year (and I do mean everybody) got "Marine Biologist" and "Funeral Director" as two of their choices. There was obviously something wrong with the program, but I can't talk about it now. I've got funerals to direct and deep sea divers to cremate.
approved May 19 2005, submitted May 19 2005 by Dan Leonard
In teen flicks like Ferris Bueller or anything with Molly Ringwald in it, halting a History lesson to stand on your desk and read a love poem to the object of your affections in front of the whole class would earn you a round of applause and much *whooping*. The girl would say Yes Chud! and you would both run across the playing field, hand-in-hand, while the Principal looks on, choking back the tears yet maintaining a sobering level of dignity throughout.
When Ken Searle did it, on the other hand, it was the most painfully shit thing that I have ever seen. And he got a detention.
approved May 18 2005, submitted May 17 2005 by Dan Leonard
Years before the Borg in Star Trek, kids at my school would wander around woodenly, saying "I-AM-A-ROBOT", and if they pressed their fists against the side of your neck, you became a robot too. This was quite inconvenient, as many of us wanted to play other things, but there was an unspoken rule that if you were turned into a robot, you had to stop whatever you were doing and go and turn other kids into robots.
When the number of robots rapidbly began to outnumber the number of non-robots, we few remaining survivors decided to retaliate, and thus created "Cut-circuits", which were good robots that destroyed the robot circuitry that the robots had put into the kids, and turned them back into humans again. These kids were then free to go back to playing football or beating each other up or whatever it was they were doing. This, however, proved to be the fatal flaw in their design - cut-circuits didn't turn you into one of them, they merely turned you human again, which meant that they were fighting a losing battle, as the robots could multiply much faster than they could.
Things were looking desperate for us few remaining humans, until finally one of us hit upon the brilliant idea of just telling any robots that tried to assimilate us to piss off. And that was the end of that.
approved Jun 24 2005, submitted May 17 2005 by Dan Leonard