The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
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Both the user name and the password used to gain access the school's most important files, the Powerpoint presentations for assembly. A few swift alterations later, Jack Petchy had sprouted mysterious nose penises and the award receiver was replaced with a picture of Mr T.
approved Jun 4 2007, submitted Jan 8 2007 by Name Withheld
This act was not one I took part in, although I was the victim of on many occasions;
The object of Sneaky Bollock is to bare one's teste through the zip at the front of your trousers. Then, sitting in a suitable gaping position, you would call people over to "check your work" or something. They would then be horrified at the small hairy lump protruding from the loins.
For extra points, you may consider the following:
-Get a teacher with a Sneaky Bollock;
-Go the whole hog and flop your entire meatsack out;
-Draw a smiley face, or write a message to the victim on your scrotum;
-Walk around the classroom with yourself on show;
-See how long you can stand in a conversation with someone without them noticing.
In the last days of the school year, Sneaky Bollock was rife in our ranks, and the words "Hey, can you just check this for me?" filled our hearts with unmitigated fear.
approved Jun 4 2006, submitted Jun 4 2006 by Name Withheld
A computer program used in tandem with a small semispherical grey robot called a "walker". Users would enter commands into the computer, and using the magic of technology, the little grey shit would bleep and draw a sqaure on the ground.

The fun, however, usually came with typing in the commands. It only understood simple words such as "move" and "right". Any other instruction would be greeted with "I do not know how to X". Being 7 years old, this was BRILLIANT:

"I do not know how to fart"
"I do not know how to smell"
"I do not know how to boobies"
approved Jul 15 2005, submitted Jul 14 2005 by Name Withheld
St. Martin's School, Brentford, has been recognised as a National Beacon School of Excellence, an accolade awarded to fewer than 1% of schools in the whole country.

Naturally, the school wanted to trumpet this achievement, so they duly erected a sign outside the school proudly proclaiming its new status.

Naturally, we investigated this new sign, and by dint of removing some of the letters, we produced this:

St. Martin's Anal Bacon of Excellence

Less than 1% of the pupils in the country would have thought of that.
approved Jul 14 2005, submitted Jul 13 2005 by Name Withheld
Mr Hartshorne, (aka Dribbler as he had a peculiar misfortune of uncontrollably overactive saliva glands), wasn't a small man, roughly 5ft 10 inches square. He only had two labcoats; one which caught fire, and the other which stank of what he claimed was "chemicals". Well, I suppose 'stinky man sweat' and 'middleaged musk' are technically 'chemicals'.
Also, the back of said labcoat sported a veritable rainbow of coloured spots, where pupils had kindly decided to decorate his back with flicked fountain pen ink when he had turned around.
Is a member of the Chocolate Tasters Club.
approved Jul 15 2005, submitted Jul 13 2005 by Name Withheld
A poor guy in our school died in a flat fire and we got a brand spanking new jungle gym to play on, with a little plaque that said it was dedicated to poor Jimmy, so we could remember how horribly poor Jimmy died when we were playing space pirates.
approved Oct 23 2007, submitted Jul 13 2005 by Name Withheld