The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Garth
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A demonstration that people with the 'r to w' speech impediment seem hopelessly drawn to alliterative phrases. 'Sir, what are these?' 'They're wusty wivvets, boy' Reacted badly to continued ridicule when we were faced with the terrifying prospect of his "wwath".
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Garth
Gobbing on the back of one's hand and flicking it onto to the back of a teacher.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Garth
jed
The origins of this one begin, and probably end, with my cousin. "There once was a man by the name of Jed, Went for a wank in a garden shed, Spunk bubbles like a black man's toothpaste" Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Garth
Oh Come Let Us Adore Him = Oh Come Let Us Ignore Him
Christ The Lord becomes Christ, I'm Bored
Gracious Spirit, Holy Ghost becomes Gracious Spirit, Beans on Toast
Peace is flowing like a river...flowing out of you and me... becomes... well, I think you can guess this one...
We are climbing Jesus' ladder becomes = for ladder, read penis
I close my eyes, drew back the curtains becomes = why not draw back your foreskin?
All dicks bright and beautiful, all creatures grunt and smell
Jesus Christ the Apple Tree, said with a different emphasis, becomes a startled exclamation of surprise.
Service to the loving, honour to the dead becomes bollocks to the Head
Our Father, Who Art In Heaven, Harold By Thy Name
'Blessed are those that come in the House of the Lord', swap House for Mouth
God rest you jerry mental men
do re mi so fa la ti do = dirty asshole farty old soul
Cross over the road my friend,
ask the lord his cock to bend,
hi-is penis knows no end,
cross over the road.
and for the catholics...
benedicta tu becomes benny's dick tattoo
clarior usta rogo becomes clarior usta bollocks (?) and you have to say usta as though you are climaxing. Naturally.
approved Dec 6 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by James McCormack, Christopher Huxley, Michele , Joe S., Garth , Matt King, Alex Carter, Ben Austwick, Jon Blyth
Derived from the overpriced service station pasty and sandwich makers. It is to be caught with your dick in your hand. Perhaps with a pasty in the other hand.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Garth