The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Search LOTP
Sean turned up to school one day with a particularly bowly haircut. When this fact was pointed out to all and sundry using the pithy parody, "Mexico City? London City? New York City? No! It's Haircut City!", Sean's astonishingly violent response was surely a tad OTT.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Name Withheld
Yelled as a preface to fourteen 11-year-old boys wrestling a passer-by to the floor, and stuffing their mouth full of grass. Presumably, because it was an experiment, teachers were loath to interfere, in case they rendered the results useless.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Name Withheld
The ruthless teasing of short-fused ginger kid David Tyers was a highly rewarding pastime due to his tendency to fly into apoplectic rages and lose the ability to think clearly. His insulting yet mystifying outbursts reaching their high water mark with the frothy-mouthed ejaculation, "You egg dribble!" Damned by his own mouth, this was adopted as the weapon of choice for inflicting further suffering on poor Tyers.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Name Withheld
Small Breasts "Chinese, Japanese, what are these? Bumble Bees!" Large Breasts "Chinese, Japanese, what are these? Christmas Trees!" Breasts, Penis, Arse "Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner, chocolate's made" Arse, Breasts "Bum titty titty bum bum titty titty bum bum" Suspicions that this latter formed the basis of Freud's Anal/Oral dichotomy were supported by the fact that our local MP at the time was Sigmund's lugubrious grandson, Clement.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Name Withheld
Adidas bags can be doctored so that the logo is an acrostic for;
all day I dream about sex
after dinner I do a shit
a dirty indian did a shit
arse dicking is dangerous after supper
For double deedas, try;
a dirty indian did a shit and did it down a sewer
approved Dec 3 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Nick Bell, Name Withheld, Bedslug , Jono Wilkinson, Jon Blyth