The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Lee Nelson
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A boy who played football on his own, all play and lunchtimes, with an invisible ball. It was always Liverpool against Stoke, he was always scoring for Liverpool and then celebrating VERY loudly as they won the FA Cup, again.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Lee Nelson
Two people would grab a smaller boy and pin him to the ground. One would sit on his chest whilst the other held his hands. Then there would be a terrible fire in the jungle which was just to the left of Philip and all the animals would have to escape across the only bridge, which was Phil's chest. First of all came the ants which were relatively painless. Then the mice and so on up to the elephants whose heavy feet caused a lot of sternum damage. Among the best escapees were the lions and tigers with their sharp claws and the kamikaze butterflies who would hover for a while before crashing with sickening force. Also very painful were the electric nipple-cripple ants who only came along in extended versions of Jungle Beats.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Lee Nelson
It was a commonly held belief in my school that all robots moved their arms like Hazel O'Connor in 'Breaking Glass' and went around saying 'I am a robot' in Dalek voices and did nothing else. This bore no relation to the two (non-fictional) robots anyone had seen: 'Bigtrak' a kind of tank thing that fetched apples for your dad and shot the dog, and Hero 1, essentially a robot arm on top of a radio controlled car. Unless you count Twiki of course, he was real.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Lee Nelson