The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
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A girl who sat near me in 11th grade English came into class one day, looking rather sweaty and pale. As the teacher read from Tom Sawyer, this girl began to moan low like a wounded animal. Suddenly, her eyes rolled up into her head, she barked like a seal and then passed out, her face slapping down on the desk in front of her. But as soon her head hit the desk, she let off a fart like a goddamned foghorn. A fart which smelt like death.
approved Nov 23 2007, submitted Apr 20 2006 by Name Withheld
High School. Lunch.

Phil and Charlie, both retarded, are taking turns jumping on a wooden bench. Phil then flips out and jumps on the bench non-stop until the slats splinter.

Charlie shrieks and then turns to Phil: "Phillip, I told we should not play Fall Guy."

Phil turns to me and points menacingly: "Don't tell nobody I did that."

They both scamper away.
approved Feb 4 2008, submitted Apr 20 2006 by Name Withheld
When I was seven, an English kid joined my class midway through the school year. His name was Guy. A nice kid who looked like an albino bush baby. I am an American person, and as such I am circumsized, as were the other boys in my class. Why Americans mutilate their cods, I have no idea, but we do.
One day during recess, all the boys in class went for a squirt behind the trees. Guy took his uncircumized weenus out and someone screamed, "He's got a bottle dick!" So we beat him. Sorry, Guy.
Readers: Was there an American boy in your class with a 'mutilated cod'? Did he walk around, thinking that there was absolutely nothing wrong with having a 'circumsized weenus', even though he wasn't Jewish - nor did he have some kind of life-threatening medical condition which made him piss upwards into his kidneys, hence the need for his parents to cut half of his knob off and keep it in a jar for keepsake?
What did you call him? Perhaps it was "Crayola cock" or something. For example.
approved Apr 26 2006, submitted Apr 20 2006 by Name Withheld