The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
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Meet B. You could describe B as small, shivery, asthmatic, bespectacled. You could also describe him as religious, so he was almost perfect for good natured probing.
One day, we were gently interrogating him about his wanking regime; he replied that it was sinful, then became wincingly tight-lipped on the matter. Eventually, a larger child got whiff of the conversation, and boomed "what, don't you wank, B?"
He finally exploded; "No, I don't, and I wouldn't want to, even if I could!"
There was five seconds of perfect silence, while every child said Grace for the wonderful gift they had been given.
approved Oct 26 2004, submitted Oct 23 2004 by Doc
A bonus branch of mathematics not generally taught in most A Level courses. To be taught this topic, simply write "HAIRY BALLS THEOREM" on the blackboard before the teacher enters, and as they wearily start to rub it out, insist firmly that Hairy Balls Theorem is all you wish to learn.
approved Jul 7 2003, submitted Jul 6 2003 by Doc
A particularly apt set of initials for a member of staff who was a particularly large arsehole.

I concur - and the fact that he acted like your best mate once you were in the sixth form didn't make up for the fact that he'd acted like a cunt in all the previous five. But I digress -- Phil
approved Apr 21 2003, submitted Mar 31 2003 by Doc
This version of arrrrrrrr is followed up with an identically-drawled "bar-barrrrrr". We did this because we thought a "bar-barrrrrr" was a poo. Curiously, so did all the teachers, who wasted no time in royally bollocking us if they heard someone saying it. This of course led to a cyclic form where someone would do something bad, someone else would say "arrrrrrrr bar-barrrrrr" to them, then everyone else would turn to that person and say "arrrrrrrr bar-barrrrrr", and then to each other, and so on and so forth. Mass hysteria, particularly in the heavily-regimented and dinner-lady-policed lunch queues, would often result.
approved Dec 14 2002, submitted Dec 14 2002 by Doc