The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Harry Nice
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Girls are shit at jinx, because they refuse to stop talking when you jinx them - about the new range of Scrunchies in Claire's Accessories, 87% of the time - and act all gay and go "ow" when you punch them in the arm.
Has anyone else noticed that "ow" is "mo" upside-down? Proof positive. Poof positive. Poof HIV positive. Like your dad. - Log
approved Apr 21 2005, submitted Dec 8 2004 by Harry Nice
The first time I ever heard about it was when a woman was raped and murdered by some shops near where I used to live during my infants school days.

I actually thought it was 'raked', and for years lived under the mistaken impression that the poor lady was gardened to death.
She deserved it. She was a hoe-er. Pffffffff!!!! - Mansh
approved Apr 13 2005, submitted Dec 16 2003 by Harry Nice
I went fishing with my Nan and my cousin once. I caught a perch, but couldn't get the hook out of it's mouth. With the confidence of the seasoned fisherwoman, my Nan deftly pulled the hook out, bringing with it the eyes and jaw of the rather surprised fish.
She just said 'shit', took her shoe off, smashed the poor little fucker on the head and threw it back in the lake.
The journey home was quiet, and included lots of staring out of the car window.
approved Jul 13 2004, submitted Dec 12 2003 by Harry Nice
How about 'Wankr becomes Wanker with me...'?
Harry, you might like to see this entry, to guage the degree to which you have just entirely missed the point. Can anyone else see how Harry has missed the point of "a word that becomes a rude word when you add the letter e to the end" in two distinct ways?
approved Apr 11 2005, submitted Dec 12 2003 by Harry Nice
I'm also fairly sure that in one of the Sherlock Holmes books, he ejaculates in his front room whilst he has a guest, who returns both of her hands to her muff in disgust. I'm sure it's in one of the books, I just cant remember which one.
On the subject of great literary ejaculations, it is rumoured that Jesus' last words in some prints of the Bible were "I come too quickly." Can anyone verify this? - I cant be bothered...
Well, can anyone verify this? We can't be bothered either.
approved Dec 17 2003, submitted Dec 12 2003 by Harry Nice
Ip, dip, dog shit,
Fucking bastard, little git,
You are not it
Obviously the second line serves no purpose, apart from sounding very adult.
approved May 6 2003, submitted Jan 24 2003 by Name Withheld, Harry Nice
A variation on the typewriter. The xylophone is rather more savage in that it requires four people to hold down the victim in a splayed and prone star, and as many people as fancied it are allowed to savagely beat them with maracas, kettle drum sticks, or guiros. Sometimes for as long as ten minutes.
The practice stops when somebody passes out, wets themselves, develops kidney damage and spends the following weeks pissing blood in hospital.
approved Jan 31 2003, submitted Dec 19 2002 by Harry Nice
Weird kind of tie-in here. My friend Stuart and I used to call weeing into muffs a 'Golden Eggyolk' - we didnt think that was how babies were made, but rather used it as an example of how filthy an imaginary porn film that we didnt watch was to impress our friends.
He now lives in the Czech Republic, but we still ask each other if we've given any golden eggyolks recently whenever we speak.
Has this ever happened in real life? Does this practice have a name? (other than golden eggyolk obviously).
approved Dec 17 2002, submitted Dec 17 2002 by Harry Nice
A freindly version;
Fatty and Thinny were in the bath,
Fatty blew off and Thinny laughed.
And a recent ad lib by a friend;
Fatty and Thinny were in the hay,
Fatty blew off and Thinny was gay.
approved Dec 23 2002, submitted Dec 16 2002 by Harry Nice
This was also known as Jesus' Cross - when streams were crossed, each participant would shout 'Jesus' Cross' as loud as possible, so that everyone in the surrounding area would know what had occurred.
approved Dec 17 2002, submitted Dec 16 2002 by Harry Nice
Used when someone demonstrated a fierce temper, or threatened someone, and eventually for no real reason at all.
After the victim had acted hard or tried to be tough in some way, a chorus of people would shout 'Oooooh, you're hard, where's your handbag?', and then run away doing the John Inman limp wrist thing.
approved Dec 16 2002, submitted Dec 16 2002 by Harry Nice
I actually saw this film once, and the thing is, the strange white haired old guy in the film does actually try to insert himself into a chicken, but it doesn't work and he goes and shags a cow instead.
The bit with the eels was the most informative.
approved Dec 16 2002, submitted Dec 16 2002 by Harry Nice