The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Ivan Vasiilevich
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It's the late 70's, it's going home time, and Darren is well impressed by the hard kids leaving the school gates with "AVFC" written on their foreheads in marker pen. Darren thinks it's the finest thing he's ever seen, and asks the lads to write "AVFC" on his forehead too. OK, say the hard kids.

Darren walked home that day with "FUCK OFF DAD" written on his forehead.
approved Jan 3 2012, submitted Dec 27 2011 by Ivan Vasiilevich
We had a Barry who knocked himself out whilst attempting a backflip whilst breakdancing at the school disco.
Mansh says:
It's the long awaited return of Barries We Have Known!
THANKS, IVAN! KEEP 'EM COMING!
approved Apr 18 2006, submitted Apr 15 2006 by Ivan Vasiilevich
What a treat! Another exam based urban myth for you to enjoy, posted, we might add, at no small personal risk - last time we poached off Snopes we had them chucking rocks at the LOTP skylight all fucking night.

Four college students get monumentally pissed the night before an important exam. They wake up late the next day to find they have missed the exam, so they all go off to see their tutor. They explain that they'd gone on a trip the day before, but had got a punctured tyre leaving them stranded miles away with no chance of getting back for the exam.
The tutor agrees to give them the benefit of the doubt and lets them take the exam the next day. He places them all in separate rooms and gives them a question paper each.
There are only two questions. The first is fairly straightforward and worth 5%, and all the students answer it easily.
They turn over to the second question, which is worth 95% - "Which tyre?"

A good old fashioned comedy double-take is, I think, implied.
approved Jan 7 2006, submitted Jan 7 2006 by Ivan Vasiilevich
I fell for a similar thing, only sort of reversed. When I was a wee thing, my family had a record of songs from Disney's Jungle Book. On the front cover there was a photo of a boy about my age, reading the book in question, surrounded by loads of stuffed Disney toys. All my relatives (especially dotty old aunts) used to think I was a cute little thing and would point to the picture on the front of this record, and say "ooh, look, that's you there! Yes, it is! Oh yes, that's you" etc. I swear I used to sit for hours staring at this photo, utterly convinced it was in fact me, racking my brains trying to remember having this photo taken...
approved Jul 29 2003, submitted Jul 29 2003 by Ivan Vasiilevich
He's Popeye the sailor man
He lives in a caravan
With a crack in the middle
Where he does a piddle
He's Popeye the sailor man
There was also a crack in the roof where he did a poo.
approved Dec 23 2002, submitted Dec 17 2002 by Ivan Vasiilevich
Term of abuse aimed at children of unemployed alcoholic parents living on council estates. At the time (early 70's) there was a kids' adventure serial screened pre-teatime called the Freewheelers. Anybody who was subject to free dinners was henceforth known as a Freemealer.
approved Dec 16 2002, submitted Dec 16 2002 by Ivan Vasiilevich
Also known as "bifter", but not to be confused with "biffa", which is a fat and unattractive woman.
approved Dec 16 2002, submitted Dec 16 2002 by Ivan Vasiilevich