The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Bob Marche
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A club to which new or stupid pupils were told it was desirable to belong to. Membership was obtained by standing on one of the wooden benches which marked the boundary between boys and girls recreation areas and shouting 'I am a cunt!'
Your status within the club was determined by the number of shouts achieved. For instance a 25-cunter obviously outranked a 12-cunter. The shouts had to be audible to a panel of judges who stood at a safe distance.
Iain Grant's claim to be a hundred-cunter was dismissed as it was achieved outside school hours. If a teacher was on playground duty each shout counted as a shout and a half for scoring purposes.
The highest verified status was Mark Jeffries' 43-cunter and the lowest was for a shout of 'I am' followed by a punch in the stomach.
Rival clubs, such as 'I am a Bastard' and the boundary-stretching 'I am a fucking cunt' never really caught on.
approved Jan 18 2003, submitted Dec 18 2002 by Bob Marche