The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Search LOTP
Our PE teacher described the rugby team from our local Catholic school as 'the johnnydodgers.' Although we knew damn well what a Johnny was, we lacked a subtle appreciation of the Vatican's view on contraception, and so were mystified, frankly.
approved Jul 25 2005, submitted Jun 21 2005 by RL M
I'm proud to day that I was the guitarist in the Purple Headed Warriors. Which is an even worse band name than that of a bunch of nutters I once met called ZX Rectum.
approved Sep 9 2003, submitted Aug 26 2003 by RL M
Yes, yes, thankyou. We hope you're feeling VERY ASHAMED now.

(Sent in by RL M, judged by Susan.)
approved Jul 10 2003, submitted Jul 7 2003 by RL M, Susan Tobacco
Short for remedial, and therefore a common insult. Even the teachers used this one.

Extra mileage could be garnered by grasping the handles of an invisible motorbike and starting it up, as though on a cold day. "Remmm. Remmememem. REMemememEMEMEMEM (twist throttle) REEEEMMMM! Reeeeeeemmm, reeeeeemmmm, rerrrrmmmmm." And so on. This was not insulting the mentally ill, it was merely making motorbike noises near them. Even God would find it hard to spot the hidden sneer.
approved Jul 9 2003, submitted Jul 7 2003 by RL M, Susan Tobacco
Nickname for an irritating cunt. Also consider piles, for an aggravating arsehole. And perhaps, er, gonorrhoea for a... weeping dick?
approved Jun 11 2005, submitted Jul 7 2003 by RL M
An enterprising genius nicked a pot of the thick yellow indelible paint used to paint yellow lines on roads, and painted MR THOMAS IS A RED DOG'S KNOB in foot-high letters across the bridge in front of the school. From that day forward he was known as Red Dog. Or Le Chien Rouge if you did A level French. It's still there to this day.

(Its the detail of "A level" French that does it for me. Hee hum. Susan.)
approved May 20 2003, submitted Jan 18 2003 by RL M
Another name for a circumcised boy, the foreskin being 50% of the weight, volume, and joy of the male sexual organ, or winkle.
approved Feb 14 2003, submitted Jan 18 2003 by RL M
Nickname of the school slapper - she had ten thousand men.
approved Jan 24 2003, submitted Jan 18 2003 by RL M
Oh yeah, and, you can remember the strings on a guitar from Every Addict Druggie Gets Busted Eventually. Gareth Bevan swore by Fat Bastard Elephants Always Drink Guinness for the order of flat keys, but then, he was a bit odd.
approved Mar 1 2003, submitted Jan 8 2003 by RL M
Mnemonic that our music teacher encouraged us to learn for the notes on the lines in the bass clef (GBDFA).
approved Dec 18 2002, submitted Dec 18 2002 by RL M