The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
James Trotman
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A lie that is unnervingly believable to a nave five year old child is that you can only urinate in a public urinal once you have climbed down the plughole, where it is private. This can cause a child to piss himself out of reluctance to use the toilet. It did me.
approved May 12 2003, submitted Dec 21 2002 by James Trotman
Daniel Parry - Spastic Pastic - made the mistake of announcing that he was very ill and that we shouldn't make him laugh or else he'd cough up blood. I made him laugh, and much to my delight, he wasn't joking. A week or so later he left, never to be seen again. To this day I don't know if I inadvertently killed him.
approved Dec 27 2002, submitted Dec 21 2002 by James Trotman
Deliberate mispronunciation of Guy Roper. Bonus points were awarded for calling him this to his face, which didn't happen very often, as he was more than capable of beating the shit out of me and all my mates.
approved Dec 22 2002, submitted Dec 21 2002 by James Trotman
Self explanatory nickname given to Emma Francis - a girl with too many hormones. To make matters worse, she had her first period in the canteen. Can't help being slightly jealous though - it took me another 7 years to acquire the same amount of facial hair.
approved May 13 2003, submitted Dec 21 2002 by James Trotman