The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Buttocks Sweeting
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At the beginning of every music lesson we were told to make a composition, and there invariably followed a madcap dash to the end of the corridor where the more expensive keyboards were kept under lock and key. Their appeal lay exclusively in their ability to play 'demo' tracks, utilising every instrument in rendering, for example, the theme from Star Trek or Air On A G-String. When I got my hands on one, I spent the lesson completely engrossed, and when we performed, Pearson played the Beverly Hills Cop, Josh had the chords, and I turned my keyboard off and pretended to play accompaniment on the click-clacks. I got an E, and our teacher died two years later in his classroom, although these two facts aren't connected.
approved May 2 2003, submitted Dec 30 2002 by Buttocks Sweeting
Any two big-teethed individuals who are stupid enough to hang around together, or even be seen together at any point. Named after the mildly popular Disney cartoon series.
A useful message therefore for people who are different. Try not to find someone who is different in the same way as yourself. Try to get a gang with a fat one, a clever one, a spotty one. Then ride around on mini-scooters and solve mysteries.
approved May 13 2003, submitted Dec 22 2002 by Buttocks Sweeting, Jon Blyth
A primitive accountancy/risk assessment program on the very old and very rubbishy computer in our classroom, or an early introduction to the essentials of Russian roulette. You were the owner of a teashop, and accordingly supplied tea, using a shop, at only the most select of virtual social engagements. You decided the number of cups to be sold, and the price. Things usually went smoothly, but every so often it would emerge that 'a swarm of wasps drove everybody away!' and you would howl and gnash your teeth as fully fifteen minutes of your childhood was evinced to have been frittered away in the darkest futility. We also learned numbers in Welsh up to 22, and our school was in Hertfordshire.
approved May 20 2003, submitted Dec 22 2002 by Buttocks Sweeting