The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Dancing Bean
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Having cornered the marble market in his first year, in his second year Marcus Mellor rapidly established himself as the pornography kingpin of our school.
He dealt his grubby wares from a large, tatty, black briefcase held together with masking tape, and always filled to bursting point with an seemingly unlimited quantity of top-shelf magazines.
His empire came to an abrupt and spectacular end. Running to a lesson, his briefcase burst open, spilling Clubs, Razzles, Fiestas and Mayfairs in a slithering tide down the stairs. Despite his desperate entreaties, they were hoovered up within seconds by a huge crowd of unbelieving boys. I still can't watch aid convoys arrive in famine-stricken towns without being reminded of the event.
approved May 6 2003, submitted Apr 8 2003 by Dancing Bean

Our music teacher Mr. Hotton had a black bushy beard, a thunderous temper and generally looked, sounded and acted like Victorian Dad.

He owned a plimsoll which he dubbed 'Friendly Fred', and inscribed 'FF' on the sole in black magic marker. As he never tired of explaining to us, this was a clever joke because FF in musical notation meant 'very loud', as small boys were apt to be when he beat them about the buttocks with it.

Once, entirely out of character, he gave me a Mars bar for being a good drummer.
approved Feb 10 2003, submitted Dec 23 2002 by Dancing Bean