The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Richard Edwards
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This baffles me. You could choose any three word insult, and say - are you a HRL? Then say - ha ha, you're a hairy rectum licker! Or, what, you're not a highly regarded lover?, depending on their answer.
There aren't three letters you couldn't do it to. XQZ - Xenophobic Queer Zoophile or Xtrasexy Quad-Speed Zazzmerchant?
So why was there so much focus on PLP? Is there a proper meaning for it? And while I'm at it, that second entry makes no sense, because you're changing the answer to a NO response, when it's only when they answer YES that the person's height becomes material.
This whole entry is shrouded in befuddlement from start to finish. Except for piece of lavatory paper, which is bummy.
(Update from Richard Edwards - I'm almost positive it's because there was a series of text books called PLP. It stood for the Primary Learning Package, or something. I don't know, I just know there was a drawing of a frog on the cover. Thanks, Richard.)
approved Apr 23 2005, submitted Dec 22 2003 by Jon Blyth, Richard Edwards
If there's one thing school children should be congratulated for, it's coming up with blue lyrics for the songs in the hit parade, often mere seconds after the release of the tune.

Back in the heady days of 1993 Ace of Base released "The Sign" which was transmogrified into "Your Mom"; the words to which are:
I saw Your Mom,
She opened up her legs and said 'come on'.
Life is demanding,
When you're doing it on the landing.


Brilliant, I'm sure you'd agree. Obviously you couldn't let someone sing this to you unpunished which led to someone coming up with the blocker song, "Your Dad", which replaced the fist two lines with:
I saw Your Dad,
He opened up his legs and said 'not bad'.


This, in turn, was blocked by the fact being pointed out that having your opponent's dad opening his legs on the landing and appraising you for sexy purposes was pretty fucking gay anyway.
approved Apr 23 2005, submitted Nov 12 2003 by Richard Edwards
The unexpectedly inventive nickname for polyester wadding which was one of the two major materials we used for making everything in first year Textiles. The other was paper.
First invented by Darren Kitching it caught on quickly to the point where everyone was chanting it constantly during Textiles. Unfortunately for me, the teacher had outlawed the practise while I was in the toilet and so finding the class strangely quiet on my return I started the cry once more. This got me 2000 lines that were to read "Polyester Wadding is not a popular music group".
A little excessive, I feel.
approved May 7 2003, submitted Dec 29 2002 by Richard Edwards