The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Rob Young
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Rupert Pratt (for 'twas his name) sported a floppy fringed centre parting. One Sociology lesson, Mrs Livesy directed a question at Rupert. We all looked up from our textbooks and turned to look at him. His hair had relaxed into a perfectly straight bowl-cut. The fact that so many of us loudly exclaimed "Dwayne Dibbley?!" at precisely the same moment made it all the more satisfying.
approved Jul 25 2005, submitted May 16 2005 by Rob Young
I heard this chilling caution too, and recall specifically that the reason for the terrible risk of death upon blowing into the vagina was that the air gets into the bloodstream.
This explanation is delivered with a sense of gravity, and a look that said 'Ah, I knew you were going to ask me that. Most people who've never seen a lady's downbelows ask that question.'
Questioning the truth of the air embolism was therfore akin to saying "I am such a big virgin that it's gone beyond a joke. I shouldn't be allowed."
approved Jul 10 2004, submitted Apr 13 2004 by Rob Young
As a fourteen year old proto-pothead, you may experience difficulty securing marijuana. Innovative children will steal Eucalyptus leaves from the local garden centre, and smoke these instead.
The resultant high probably had less to do with any narcotic effects, and more to do with the increase in oxygen in the bloodstream now your airways are clear and minty-fresh.
approved Dec 18 2003, submitted Dec 18 2003 by Rob Young
Each person playing this game has to address a figure of authority with a different position of respect. Say, a bus conductor is checking your tickets;
Thanks chief.
Cheers, boss.
Nice one, governor.
Nice work, squire.
Ta, er... Lance Corporal...
Um... At ease, Archbishop.
As you were, Mayor?

approved Oct 11 2004, submitted Sep 26 2003 by Rob Young
Replacement for "cheers". See also "fuck you very much".
approved Sep 26 2003, submitted Sep 26 2003 by Rob Young
If Gary should ask who your favourite Premiership footballer is you should unhesitatingly reply 'Steve Bould'.
approved Oct 2 2003, submitted Aug 14 2003 by Rob Young
You missed out Keith Burton.
approved Sep 8 2003, submitted Aug 14 2003 by Rob Young
The ingenious practice of insulting people inaccurately. The insultee will invariably correct the insult, thus confirming and accepting it.

Person A: "You're a fuckwick"
Person B: "You mean I'm a fuckWIT"
Person A: "Yeah, you are"

Hilarity will, inevitably, ensue.
approved Jul 11 2003, submitted Jul 11 2003 by Rob Young
Another equally hilarious way of mocking the afflicted was to double your arm up inside your sleeve so as to grip your should with your hand then rolling back the sleeve so that the ball of your elbow poked out the end like a stump. You should not make the mistake of forgetting to push your tongue into your bottom lip and making mong sounds to complete the effect. Doing this with both arms at once would really win you some serious kudos/detention.
approved Mar 31 2003, submitted Jan 3 2003 by Rob Young