The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Toilet Tax
Search LOTP
Don't forget "pams" and "amps", which are used for the sides of the head should the forehead be unspammable, or rear be off the maps. By using these four techniques in combination, every eventuality is covered, and someone
will be hit somewhere.
approved Apr 23 2005, submitted Jan 24 2005 by Toilet Tax
Advanced form of the pube check. The 100m is run with the pubic hair tucked into the waistband of the shorts. Victory is forfeit if the pubes are not visible at the end of the race.
approved Sep 17 2003, submitted Jul 17 2003 by Toilet Tax
The malicious version of sea of legs is the much more macho run the gauntlet, and differed in that the victim volunteers to avoid the legs to demonstrate his skill and agility, and the other participants will trip, spit and kick out viciously, hoping to cause the most serious injuries possible.
approved Oct 3 2003, submitted Jul 17 2003 by Toilet Tax
Classic urban fable, told with very little variation, although in this version the boy is listening to Beethoven's Fifth. Basically,
  • Boy decides to have immersive wank, using headphones and closing his eyes.
  • Boy masturbates to stringy completion.
  • Upon opening his eyes, a steaming cup of tea is next to his bed.
  • Boy deduces that mother has watched him wank.

A worse case scenario would be if the child opened his eyes on the vinegar strokes, saw his mother standing there, and having passed the point of no return, ejaculated onto his knee while they both stared at each other. A grubby little punctuation mark, sliding onto the linen.
approved Aug 19 2003, submitted Jul 17 2003 by Toilet Tax, Jon Blyth
As close as one can get to a wank without actually wanking, and therefore becoming a wanker. Wherease being a wanker is a bad thing (unless you boast about doing it over ten times a day, or you can produce over a pint in a single splot), having a fiddle is perfectly acceptable.
approved Apr 30 2003, submitted Apr 10 2003 by Toilet Tax