The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Louise Jenkins
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It was only reading the previous story that it struck me as odd that at my primary school swimming pool, the boys changing rooms had one wall which consisted of a huge, sliding patio-type window. Facing onto the school field. And swimming lessons used to regularly run over into breaktime, when, of course, the whole school was allowed, en masse, onto the playing field. Which, to add insult to injury, was bordered all round by houses.
To this day i cannot think of one possible reason as to why changing rooms in a swimming pool would be required to be glass-sided, aside from the obvious solution that perverts were involved at every level of the design process.
There were also 'helpers', one of whom was my grandfather. Part of the 'helping' remit was to ensure that boys got changed properly and promptly. So any boys resisting the public change would be virtually wrestled into the room, and forcibly dressed in front of the school, and town, by my grandad. Most opted for the easier path.
approved Jan 11 2005, submitted Nov 24 2004 by Louise Jenkins
Even sadder, and slightly worrying, is that a friend of mine took the idea of 'cool nickname' slightly too literally and decided that when he was introduced to people as 'Joel', he inform them that his name was 'Cool Guy'.
approved Sep 9 2007, submitted Oct 13 2003 by Louise Jenkins
A couple of years ago I can remember people in my class getting things like 'lifeguard' and the ubiquitous 'undertaker', but i think i hold the claim to the best career ever suggested.
Scientific Glass Blower. Honestly.
approved Mar 27 2003, submitted Feb 11 2003 by Louise Jenkins
Errrrmmmmmmmmmmmmm or errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr being the midlands variation as far as i know. Can also be repeated many times quickly (and prolonging the 'erm' for different lengths of time to emphasise, in a kind of spastic morse code, exactly how naughty the other child has been) so you tend to get something like ermermerrrrmermermermmmmmmmmmmm. In cases of extreme wrongdoing, you might need more than one lungful in this case, ask a friend to take the baton towards the end of your ermemreermermm, while you pause for air. In this way, a perpetual emememeeemrremrmmer may be maintained without any real effort.
approved Feb 25 2003, submitted Feb 11 2003 by Louise Jenkins