The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Chris Green
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The forever-to-be-remembered page number in our Biology textbook featuring a photograph of a standing naked child with the world's most extraordinary bow legs. When viewed in the dark recesses of the school library, it never ceased to make a 12-year-old lurch, retch and eventually laugh milk out of their nose.

Seriously, you could fit a beach ball through there.
approved Mar 10 2003, submitted Mar 10 2003 by Chris Green
Trying to laugh without making a noise is a misunderstood and difficult art, much like referees running backwards. It proved too much for five-year-old Richard Knightley, who, upon being told of the colour of Wendy Jones's pants, tried too hard to keep it in and emitted the kind of grunt rarely heard outside of a West Country swine pen.

The result was extraordinary. Layer upon layer of creamy green goodness, dispensed from a nostril into his cupped hands like so much Mr Whippy, before the poor sod was escorted from the class to see the nurse with all around him staring in wonderment and disbelief. Where it came from, we would never know. But the Gush had been born, and we knew we would never be the same again.
approved Jul 3 2003, submitted Feb 24 2003 by Chris Green