The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
David Haswell
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A north eastern variation of arrrrrrrrrrrrr and ummmmmmmmmmm.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by David Haswell
Started by Camel (Thomas Wells) who, after two years at our primary school was taken out, ostensibly to be educated at home. To become a member of the club you had to be "Humped" by Camel himself or any other member of the club. Humping involved a strange bumping of Camel's chest onto your back while he shouted "HUMP!" God knows what it looked like to the bemused teachers and fourth years who stood watching us being chased around the playground, all of us wanting desperately to be humped but at the same time all being vaguely aware of the sexual connotations and knowing it was very wrong. Once initiated into the club your role was to hump any non-member in sight. You also got to go to club meetings where Camel would point out Camel Land on his map of the world and issue strange, coded orders. This is probably how cults start. Camel left our school not long after his club died out, due to a lack of new members to hump.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by David Haswell
Alien who started his one man invasion of Earth in a small primary school in the north east of England. He started his bid for world domination by frightening an eight year old girl in the toilets by saying "Biddy-Biddy, Hello!" After two months of children combing the school field and "butterfly garden" in search of this beast, and several telephone calls by worried parents to the headmaster because their children couldn't sleep at night, it was finally stopped by a school assembly where the existence of aliens was strenuously denied and the by now heavily armed (with sticks) anti-alien sweeps were ordered to stop.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by David Haswell