The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Dr Ringpiece
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Only known exit from this conundrum is to state "I can't smell anything". You can say this even if you have been arguing for some minutes about who farted, by which time it will have dissipated anyway, and the class can return to DefCon Two.
approved May 13 2003, submitted Apr 1 2003 by Dr Ringpiece
The name by which Helen Day knew Tim Baggott for her first six months at school (she joined in the fifth year). Despite everybody else calling him Tim, she stood by this belief and the further assertion that Tim's dad had made millions as a biscuit designer (the Rich Tea and Bourbon Creme being his greatest achievements).
approved Apr 29 2003, submitted Mar 28 2003 by Dr Ringpiece
Can also be jerry-built from a cigarette lighter and a can of Lynx. This had the added bonus of being portable and made everything stink of "Java" or "Africa", depending on whose sports bag you raided.

(If there is a more powerful emetic than the stink of burnt teenage hair and fucking Lynx Java mixed together, I havent found it. Susan)
approved Apr 29 2003, submitted Mar 25 2003 by Dr Ringpiece
Also:
Bull Poo (pathetic),
Sheet Head (better),
Mother Fudder (acceptable).
Fudder can be explained away as a mud distrubution system not unlike the jobby wheeker, which is the last funny thing that Billy Connolly said.
approved Apr 30 2003, submitted Mar 25 2003 by Dr Ringpiece
Also - exploding pigeon. Mash bread up with bicarbonate of soda and feed liberally to pigeons (or any bird for that matter). As birds cannot fart or burp the build up of gas will cause the flying vermin to explode.

(In my opinion this would have vastly improved the cutesy "Feed The Birds" bit in Mary Poppins. Those two annoying kids dripping with tiny pigeon entrails, feathers in their hair and their screams punctuated only by the sound "coo, cooka-boom! Splat! " would have gone some way to cutting through the saccharine.)
approved Apr 29 2003, submitted Mar 25 2003 by Dr Ringpiece, Susan Tobacco
This is clearly a one step removal from the eggy beaner, a fart with all the stench of the egg, and all the force of the baked bean. A true all rounder.
approved Apr 23 2003, submitted Mar 25 2003 by Dr Ringpiece
That's not what it is at all. A rainbow kiss is an immediate post-blowjob frenchie, with the semen swirled between the mouths of the amorous young lovers. I know this to be true, because an older boy from another school told me on camp.
(Thanks to Dr Ringpiece for pointing out that this practice is actually called snowballing.)
approved May 2 2003, submitted Dec 21 2002 by Alexander Po, Dr Ringpiece