The Law of the Playground
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This was one of those terrible events that you piss yourself laughing about until the day you die. It occurred in my last year at high school, at our Sports Day held in the Queen Elizabeth II recreation centre.

Now, Hillmorton being the PC, progressive school that it is, we had a special unit on the school grounds for students that were severely physically and mentally handicapped. After the initial shock of having "them" in the school, people soon learned to capitalise on the humour element, as they had the habit of making loud mongoloid noises in school assemblies. Quite amusing.

Anyway, it was decided that, to be fair and equal, these students would have their own race... a wheelchair race, where able-bodied students would push the handicapped students along the track in front of the school. That was fine... everyone was sitting round going "isn't it good that they can take part, please have some of my fine sponge cake". And thus far, we had satisfied ourselves with laughing at one of the helpers pushing a wheelchair, who was hugely fat. However, we were to be treated to something deeply more.

To the absolute shocked amazement of everyone watching, one of the wheelchairs ran into a stone on the track. The wheel jammed and came to a sudden stop. The confused helper kept pushing, however, which lent an extra momentum to the handicapped girl, who was now sailing through the air.

She landed face first onto the hard track... and because she was so handicapped, she could do NOTHING to break her fall. This was the source of extreme tragedy, and consequently, humour. It all seemed to happen in slow motion... we saw her fly out of her chair, and do a graceful arc in mid-air and then slam heavily down onto the ground. There was a collective inward gasp amongst the crowd, and a rather shocked silence.

Then, to the disgust of the teachers who worked with the handicapped teens and who were now rushing in horror to the girl's side, the faint murmurs of laughter could be heard tittering round the place. With hindsight, something like this HAD to happen... and in a really unpleasant way, I'm glad it did.
approved Dec 9 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Ian Henderson
This is a comment on the entry by ian henderson. i think you should take it off your site. it is not funny, but offensive, sneering and discriminatory.

Thank you.

Sorry, no. Hugs and kisses, from Log.
approved Oct 23 2003, submitted Aug 10 2003 by Name Withheld, Jon Blyth
Imagine this story being submitted again, only replacing every reference to disabled people with a reference to "pakis". Still funny? Still inoffensive? Bet you wouldn't post it, because taking the piss out of some minorities, like ethnic groups, is not on, whereas taking the piss out of others, disabled people, is still fair game.
Besides, this is basically a story about somebody falling out of a wheelchair, which is hardly Oscar Wilde, is it? And, since 1978, only cunts use the word "mongoloid". It displays a basic lack of education or intellect.
approved Nov 25 2003, submitted Nov 14 2003 by g weaver far as I know, "Pakis", (in either the crap 70's sense of anyone with brown skin, or indeed the US/Australian sense, which is merely an abbreviation for someone from Pakistan, with no racial slur to it at all (talk to an Australian about cricket to hear this first hand "we thrashed the Pakis" etc.)) aren't prone to falling out of wheelchairs. Unless they are disabled in that way themselves, of course.

No one is asking you to find this story funny. It merely reports an incident. Not only does your argument about "pakis" make no sense, but your attempt to take the moral high ground by pointing out (like, wow) the word mongoloid could be considered offensive was utterly negated by your use of the word "cunt." There is a large group of people who would consider that to be misogynist in the extreme. You big hairy twat.
approved Nov 25 2003, submitted Nov 25 2003 by Susan Tobacco
Here follows a counterpoint to the complaints we have received regarding this submission. Obviously, this person is not a spokesperson for the entire disabled community, and as this is the internet, we don't know if they even "really are" a disabled (there may be a give-away in the use of the phrase "step down from my soapbox"*) but they do make an interesting point.

*Oh what a shit joke. Sorry. Um, I only put it in to "test" you. Please don't run over my hands with your wheelchair, if you are one of the wheelchair ones. Xx

Excellent story Ian. As a disabled person nothing angers me more than do-gooders moaning about stories like these. It's hangovers like them that make decisions like having children in wheelchairs pushed at speed on running tracks.

If something is funny and it happened, that's life, live with it, it's the PC society that has been created today by moaning, do-gooder muppets that makes living in the UK today like living in a totalitarian state. Shut your faces and let people live their lives and laugh, life's too f*****g short.
I now step down from my soapbox.
approved Dec 12 2003, submitted Dec 12 2003 by anonymous user
Admin says: And the last word goes to A Ha!. No further commentary on this one, please. It's a good story, and if you don't love it, please take yourself to a ditch and get punch-fucked by a Furby - Log.

As the partner of a wheelchair user, both of us with fine senses of dark humour, I read this out to him as tears of laughter streamed down both our faces. To say that this story isn't funny, is ridiculous. The world has gone PC mad and it is blooming annoying that people feel they have to be upset on the behalf of others. Get a life! If people are upset for the right reasons, they should be the ones who are upset and complaining.

Suggestion for the Olympic Committee - can we make this race into a new sprint/long jump hybrid? Race the fliddy at a ramp with a stopper as fast as you can to get a great result?
I shall now push my partner from the soap box and climb down to pick him up again. :oP
approved Dec 20 2005, submitted Jul 5 2005 by A Ha!
So, I was walking down the road when the fucking funniest thing ever happened: A Teenage girl got stabbed in the face! She fell over bleeding, quite alot, probably to death. I almost pissed myself. What made it funnier was that this girl was a paki! Aaah, Good Times!

Thanks for that Scarlett! Not strictly a playground anecdote, but we do strive to represent the full spectrum of reader opinion.
approved Oct 14 2007, submitted Jan 3 2007 by Scarlett Hedrinks
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