The Law of the Playground
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i will brush my muff
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A line from Nora in the A-Level English Literature study-favourite 'A Doll's House' by Frederik Ibsen.
"If only I dared go out. If only no one would come. If only I could be sure nothing would happen here in the meantime. Stuff and nonsense! No one will come. Only I mustn't think about it. I will brush my muff. What lovely, lovely gloves!"
At this point, discipline faded fast.
(Also consider "Ride you tonight, my lord?" from Macbeth)
approved Jan 31 2003, submitted Jan 23 2003 by Conor Franklin
A line similarly destined to provoke hilarity comes from 'Sense and Sensibility', where (I think) Marianne declares "it is so cold today. I can barely keep my hands warm, even in my muff."
approved Mar 11 2003, submitted Mar 11 2003 by Mike Hawker
There's also some lines from a play (I have no idea what play, maybe a drama student can enlighten me) which go:

"Has the doctor seen her, Fanny?"
"Yes, and he said there was little hope."
approved Apr 25 2003, submitted Mar 21 2003 by Matt Fasham
Jane Austen must have been taking the piss with Mansfield Park. Not only did she name the main character Fanny, but she saw fit to stress on several occasions the particular love that Fanny had for balls.

The balls of Antigua and Northampton are discussed at length, though the book suggests that Mr Rushworth's balls are the best in the country.
approved Feb 29 2004, submitted Feb 20 2004 by panda monium
From now on, any submissions of inadvertant innuendo in classical literature to i will brush my muff or holmes ejaculated will require internet link-based proof. Anyone writing in to say I think there's a bit in A Christmas Carol where Tom Bosley says 'hubba bubba bumlegs' will not be considered. They will not be considered, you hear me?
approved Oct 4 2004, submitted Apr 18 2004 by Jon Blyth
King Lear shares a cathartic aside with Goneril, when he confesses;
Life and death! I am ashamed
That thou hast power to shake my manhood thus;
That these hot tears, which break from me perforce...

Goneril's reply in the first draft was;
"Whatevs, King Queer. Twas only a hand job, and not like you got your dick dirty nor nothin'. FORSOOTH!"
approved Aug 8 2005, submitted Aug 2 2005 by David Ring
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