The Law of the Playground
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This one game resulted in some of the most fantastic and death defying crashes known to man, and also some glorious bicycle carnage. Instead of running round tagging someone with your hand, you now had to twat cycle mounted opponents with your bike. Some of the techniques involved will highlight the whole stupidity of the game.
The Graze : Used when your opponent was slightly slower than you. You´d have to get your front tyre to connect with their back, and hope the resulting wheel friction would veer your opponent into a hedge, and not yourself.
The Evil Kenevil (close range wild card) : Peddle as fast as possible, then dismount by slipping off your seat backwards. Suprisingly easy on a bmx, suicidal on a racer. Then, hope that your bike would continue in a straight line and smash into your opponent. (If your bike swerved off course after dismounting you would look like a twat, and your bike would end up in someone's garden - use with care.
The Wheelie = used liberally if you were able to perform it (forget it, racer boys). Like being attacked by a horse.
Making tyre-on-skin contact with the spinning front wheel of "The Wheelie" is known as a "Chainsaw".
Round up of the bikes:
  • BMX Falcon Pro : all round winner, speed and handling.
  • Grifter : bulldog of the game, slow but like a Jag through a shop window - the blaggers choice)
  • The Racer : top for speed, but turning circle of a Viking longship.
  • The Chopper : laid back angle would never get you to top speed and left you exposed, but who needs fast when you look that good?
  • The Granny Basher : your mums bike, good speed if you could reach the pedals, though be wary of recriminations next morning when your mum finds out her shopping basket is fucked.
  • The Cissy : your sisters bike, if your dad was still trying to unbuckle your wheel from the last time you played.
  • The Granny Lowrider : weird-looking compact bikes, that really old people rode. This singles you out as an idiot child, and you will be constantly attacked.
    If using the Granny Basher or the Cissy, resist the urge to take off the shopping basket, as it adds valuable 'tagging' inches.
    No girls allowed to play - this is BOY stuff.
approved Jul 13 2004, submitted Oct 10 2003 by The Fez
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