The Law of the Playground
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i am a robot
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It was a commonly held belief in my school that all robots moved their arms like Hazel O'Connor in 'Breaking Glass' and went around saying 'I am a robot' in Dalek voices and did nothing else. This bore no relation to the two (non-fictional) robots anyone had seen: 'Bigtrak' a kind of tank thing that fetched apples for your dad and shot the dog, and Hero 1, essentially a robot arm on top of a radio controlled car. Unless you count Twiki of course, he was real.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Lee Nelson
Natural target Mark regularly used to try this as a mental defence mechanism whenever he was subjected to physical torture, involving him saying "I AM A ROBOT. YOU CAN NOT HURT ME." in a metallic-sounding voice. This statement stood in stark opposition to the fact that we could, and did.
approved Feb 2 2004, submitted Dec 26 2003 by nicotineman the 3rd
Years before the Borg in Star Trek, kids at my school would wander around woodenly, saying "I-AM-A-ROBOT", and if they pressed their fists against the side of your neck, you became a robot too. This was quite inconvenient, as many of us wanted to play other things, but there was an unspoken rule that if you were turned into a robot, you had to stop whatever you were doing and go and turn other kids into robots.
When the number of robots rapidbly began to outnumber the number of non-robots, we few remaining survivors decided to retaliate, and thus created "Cut-circuits", which were good robots that destroyed the robot circuitry that the robots had put into the kids, and turned them back into humans again. These kids were then free to go back to playing football or beating each other up or whatever it was they were doing. This, however, proved to be the fatal flaw in their design - cut-circuits didn't turn you into one of them, they merely turned you human again, which meant that they were fighting a losing battle, as the robots could multiply much faster than they could.
Things were looking desperate for us few remaining humans, until finally one of us hit upon the brilliant idea of just telling any robots that tried to assimilate us to piss off. And that was the end of that.
approved Jun 24 2005, submitted May 17 2005 by Dan Leonard
John Hoggart used to march around the football field saying "NOTHING STANDS IN MY WAY" in a robot voice.

Using all the lessons you've learned from this website about human behaviour, can you guess what happened?

That's right! He was abducted, tortured to insanity, given bionic implants and made to fight polar bears. After ten years of battling the Arctic beasts, his implants were obsolete, and he was dumped on a glacier and left to sail away. This icy island sailed into mediterranean waters, and John Hoggart's still-sentient corpse was sailed around on an inflatable banana to ward off pirates. He was buried vertically, and two snakes now use his skull as a home. They are very much in love, and every morning they pop their head out of an eye socket each, and do a kiss.

Oh, you know I'm doing a fib, don't you? I'll come clean; people just stood in his way.
approved Dec 22 2005, submitted Nov 22 2005 by Pogglesnatch , Jon Blyth
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