The Law of the Playground
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jesus christ, superstar
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Satirical verse coming in two forms. Either;
Jesus Christ, Superstar
Went round the corner on a Yamaha (also Jaguar, motor car)
Did a skid,
Killed a kid,
Went back to heaven on a dustbin lid.
The idea that Jesus would come to Earth, cause death by reckless driving, then return to heaven - naturally enough - on a flying dustbin lid, was cheerfully sacreligous. Another version;
Jesus Christ, Superstar,
Wears frilly knickers and a Wonderbra
Was more directly and punishably blasphemous.
approved Dec 14 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Peter Gasston
An alternative ending involves the removal of Christ's testicles by the dustbin lid:

#Jesus Christ, superstar, drove 'round to school in a Yamaha, did a skid, killed a kid, chopped off his balls with a dustbin lid#
approved Dec 14 2002, submitted Dec 14 2002 by Andrew Tyers
Our version was similar:
Jesus Christ, Superstar,
Went round the corner in a Jaguar.
Did a skid, killed a kid,
Chopped off his bollocks on a dustbin lid.

You'll notice that the use of the word "bollocks" improves the metre of the last line, which makes this the definitive version of the tune. And I won't have anyone else say that it's not. Because it is.
approved Dec 15 2002, submitted Dec 14 2002 by Phil Glansvile
Our version was more openly inviting of homoeroticism... and a touch of CBT:

Jesus Christ, superstar
Came down from heaven on a Yamaha
He pulled a skid, killed a kid
Trapped his balls in a dustbin lid
When I die, bury me
Hang my balls in a cherry tree
approved Dec 15 2002, submitted Dec 15 2002 by Name Withheld
OK, that's more than enough of that - any more entries to this category and we'll have to send royalties to Lloyd Webber.
approved Dec 15 2002, submitted Dec 15 2002 by Phil Glansvile
I'm afraid there is more. In the Lincoln area, after Jesus has paralysed his bollocks on a dustbin lid, it continues:
'When I die, bury me,
Hang my bollocks on a cherry tree.
When they're ripe, take a bite,
But don't blame me if you fart all night.'
A version imported from Yorkshire was:
'When I die, bury me,
Hang my bollocks on a cherry tree.
If they grow, let me know,
'Cause I'll be listening on the radio.'
The practicalities of grafting human testicles onto a cherry tree, or of gaining radio airtime for an announcement concerning their progress, were not considered, although it is somewhat impressive that in the former version, the lyricist took steps to protect himself against any flatulence-related legal proceedings.
approved Jan 31 2003, submitted Jan 29 2003 by Bobs Meryll
Jesus Christ, Superstar,
Went down the road in a yellow car,
Cops were there,
But he didn’t care,
Cos he had bullet-proof underwear.

Makes Jesus sound a bit like a secret-agent fugitive. But then I went to a Catholic school, where Jesus was considered a lot harder than at yours.
('Cos the thing Jesus needs most is bullet-proof underwear, what with all the shagging he did. "Oh no, my cock-end's been whipped off by a bullet! Now I'll never be able to live a celibate life of perfection and virtue!"
I put it to you, Catholic, that your Jesus had already had his cock shot off, and only asked his dad to make bumming a sin in the Old Testament because he tried it once and didn't like it.
I... I'm sorry. Where was I? - Log)
approved Oct 26 2004, submitted Oct 25 2004 by Nick Kent
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