The Law of the Playground
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There was a bizarre computer program at our school where you entered your potential grades in GCSE/A Level, filled in a questionnaire about your likes and dislikes, and in return got a list of jobs that were right for you. I got 'Blacksmith' and 'Fast Food Manager'. Fortunately, the accuracy of the offending program has been proved to be questionable at best. Though I suppose it would be quite nice, being a blacksmith.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Paddy
This was called a Cascade form and you did indeed do the above. I was told that I should be a Gold and Silver Jewellery Maker. I now work as an Internet Manager.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Anon
cor - which internet do you manage?
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
I think the whole Cascade system was programmed by disaffected wimmin.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Gareth Williams
Anybody else have a comparative career development? Did you take the Cascade Form and actually become a blacksmith? And if the program actually recommends blacksmithery, did anyone get advised to become a Knight's Squire, or a Sales Assistant at the local Apothecary?
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
We did a similar one called Jig-Cal or somesuch. It suggested I become a Parole Officer; Butch Garry was instructed to become a roof-hanger and Camp Kevin's career was to be a Florist.
approved Feb 6 2003, submitted Jan 28 2003 by anonymous user
A couple of years ago I can remember people in my class getting things like 'lifeguard' and the ubiquitous 'undertaker', but i think i hold the claim to the best career ever suggested.
Scientific Glass Blower. Honestly.
approved Mar 27 2003, submitted Feb 11 2003 by Louise Jenkins
We also did a Jig-Cal. I (and possibly only 3 other people in the year) were told to become leather technologists. Quite what leather technology is I don't know but we were advised that you could do a course in it at some dubious ex polytechnic university in England.
approved May 20 2003, submitted Mar 18 2003 by anonymous user
I did Cascaid - and take serious issue with the 'aid' part of the name. It told me to be a Pet Shop Owner. I am a magazine editor.
approved Sep 9 2003, submitted Aug 14 2003 by spadge monkey
I distinctly remember jiig-cal advising me to go into fish farm management.
On a related topic I told the Trident work experience people of my love for animals, and my desire to work with them. I was sent to the notoriously cruel animal testing lab at Huntingdon Life Science.
approved Oct 2 2003, submitted Sep 8 2003 by LE munky
We also used Jig-Cal. In the days when children were better programmers than adults, one friend managed to adapt the program so that whatever choices you made, no matter how much you loved animals or wigs, you were always advised to give up your education and become a Mujahadeen Freedom Fighter immediately.
approved Sep 30 2004, submitted Jan 12 2004 by anonymous user
I was told I should be a photographer's assistant. I'm now a teacher, and took the test again, to see if my results would be changed by world experience, and a more profound insight into the workings of the program.
Nope. Photographer's assistant.
approved Oct 6 2004, submitted Apr 18 2004 by anonymous user
Everybody in my year (and I do mean everybody) got "Marine Biologist" and "Funeral Director" as two of their choices. There was obviously something wrong with the program, but I can't talk about it now. I've got funerals to direct and deep sea divers to cremate.
approved May 19 2005, submitted May 19 2005 by Dan Leonard
I got "Oceanic Cartographer". This was due, I suspect, to the fact that I could (a) swim, and, (b) colour-in maps really well without going outside the lines or anything.
Don't know if I could have done it underwater, mind.
approved Oct 23 2005, submitted Oct 21 2005 by anonymous user
I always got 'masseuse';
I suspect they meant 'whore'.
approved Dec 3 2005, submitted Dec 2 2005 by Nicky w
I found that if you deviously manipulate your answers in an attempt to get it to say, perhaps, "vet" or "nurse", thus making you appear the "sensitive type", you are still highly unlikely to shag Sally Francis.
approved Dec 6 2005, submitted Dec 5 2005 by Tony Green
I DID shag Sally Francis at college, and she wasn't bothered about sensitive types at all.
Trust me, I'm a RIGHT CUNT. She fucking loved it, as well.
Sally, if you're reading this, please DO get in touch and let us know what sort of guy you go for: sensitive, like Tony Green says; or RIGHT CUNT like our anonymous and, I suspect, poorly hung user suggests? DO you love it? And don't forget to send us some pictures, as well - Mansh
approved Dec 14 2005, submitted Dec 14 2005 by anonymous user
See also : Kudos.
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