The Law of the Playground
all stories about
wanking, alleged ill effects of
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Makes You Blind
If you wank into your own eyes and do not rinse, wanking can make you go blind. This is bad, as you need your eyes to wank if you're going to get the spunk out in under 30 seconds. "Thinky Wanks" take longer and are not worth it.
approved Dec 10 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
Makes You Deaf
"Wa-ka Maya Deh!"
"Pardon?"
"Wan Kamakya Deeeh!"
"What?"
"Wanking Makes You Deaf!"
approved Dec 10 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Blacky
Makes Your Balls Shrink
I was told, and believed, that wanking used up bits of your balls, and therefore every wank would make your balls shrink a little. When they finally disappeared, you would be unable to support life, and would die. Rather than making me relish each wank, this made me frantically wank at every opportunity, using the same logic that convinces fat people that eating things quickly reduces the body's ability to absorb the calories.
approved Dec 10 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
Apparently Clare Fieldhouse masturbated 13 times in one day, the dirty bitch. Most I ever managed was 7, and I'm male.
Yes, but it only counts if it's to 'issue' for a boy (or certain talented lady actresses in bongo fillums), or wobbly wetlegs for a girl. I mean, I have maintained a lazy lob for HOURS in front of daytime telly when throwing a sickie without actually blowing my stack. I demand a recount.
approved Jan 27 2006, submitted Jan 25 2006 by Captain Crackerjack
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